The Importance of Rhythms in Prayer

For about seven years, Jimmy Tan, Koh Seng Chor and I (above picture, from R to L) have been meeting in a 3-2-1 spiritual friendship. We have met in our homes, the Railway Mall, the office or the great outdoors. Three persons, for about two hours of sharing life and prayers, once a month. This circle of authenticity and accountability has been a blessing in my life.

The Rev Dr Jimmy Tan is a chaplain, and lecturer of pastoral and practical theology at Trinity Theological College. The courses that he teaches include pastoral care, pastoral spirituality, pastoral theology, marriage and family, and Christian spirituality. He regularly leads retreats and offers spiritual direction at the college and beyond. Seng Chor and I have been blessed by his insights, authentic sharing and prayers of faith and I am sure we have been a blessing to him.

On the 14th of August, the college recently had their annual Day of Prayer when faculty, staff and students (about 180) came together for prayer. I read the talk that Jimmy gave to them at the beginning of the day. I was so blessed and inspired I asked for his permission to share the script in this blog post. Here goes:

If we pause to notice, we will observe that ‘life is full of rhythms’

The daily rising and setting of the sun, and how it influences our circadian rhythms. The rhythm of our heartbeats or the lack of it, how it communicates good health or concern. The rhythm of our breathing correlates with the pace of our walking, running, or resting. In rhythm, one seems to do better; in rhythm, a gymnast delivers a more beautiful floor exercise; in rhythm; a sprinter clocks a faster timing; in rhythm, a marathoner pushes on to the finishing line. Out of rhythm, a higher-ranked badminton player loses to an opponent many rungs lower. Out of rhythm, a student struggles to write a single line of an essay.

Rhythm affects our lives more than we realize

Even with our leisure and moods; rhythm has its influence. Music and dance with a good sense of rhythm make for better music, dance, and relaxation. Poetry, with its rhythm, brings forth its point with delight. A good rhythm in communication engenders deeper trust and makes for a better community.

Rhythm impacts our lives beyond the surface

And we find the sense of rhythm in Scripture. The author of Genesis utilizes the rhythm of day and night to describe God’s creative activity. The psalmist uses regularity and consistency for the practice of prayer and praise. Indeed, the chiastic structure of the psalm communicates the author’s point with greater impact. Jesus, himself, regularly goes out to quiet places to pray and be in communion with his Father.

God’s wisdom, grace, and mercy is communicated in rhythmic provision. Six days of work and one day of rest; six years of production and one year of rejuvenation; forty-nine years of activity and one great year of Jubilee!

Scripture is imbued with rhythm

If a sense of rhythm pretty much permeates our living consciousness and impacts the quality of our lives, we ask why a sense of rhythm is strategic to prayer. We have noted that the Psalmist embraces a sense of rhythm in his expression. Seven times a day, he prays. Through the travails of the night, he prays.

Then the early church tells us about their times of prayer. These were regular hours through a day: intentionally spaced out: at 6am, 9am, midday, 3pm, at the setting of the sun, and before one retires for the day. They were strategically placed to pepper the day with prayer consciousness. These hours became known as the divine hours, and the practice of prayer, the Daily Office. Together, they distinguished the church through the ages.

The regularity of prayer did not just carry them over a day, but also a week, and then through a year with its liturgical seasons. There were prayers for Advent, Christmas, and Epiphany; there were prayers for Lent, Easter, and the Ascension. And there were prayers for Trinity Sunday, and Sunday after Sunday, till Advent came around again. The rhythm of the lectionary tells the story of Christ and his church, over and over again. And so, the practice of prayer coinhered with the regularity of rhythm – daily, weekly, and annually. And this is what our chapel roster is patterned after.

But the practice of prayer is not just rhythmic. It is, in fact, rhythm in relation

If we regard prayer as a conversation with God. Does this conversation benefit from an expression in rhythmic form? During National Service, we learnt to use the walkie-talkie; and to use it well, we learnt and practised the discipline of communicating with it.

“Alpha to Command Center, over.”

“Command Center to Alpha, send over.”

“Alpha asking for permission to proceed to checkpoint two, over.”

“Alpha, permission granted, over.”

“Alpha, Roger and out.”

We learn to hear, and then we learn to respond; this hearing and responding is itself a rhythmic expression of communion with God. Perhaps that is why, in the observance of prayer throughout the day, we pause from our labours for a moment to hear better; and pray better. Especially with a hectic schedule, which often calls us to many tasks and engagements, the pause at midday or evening brings refreshment to our weary bodies and minds and helps to re-centre our distracted souls in God. Has it not been our experience where the pause to pray became a blessing rather than a bane in a crazy workday? Just this past Sunday, I was reminded of the blessing of a pause in silence.

In her acceptance speech, the British actress, film-maker, and poet, Michaela Coel, the first black woman to win an Emmy Award for Outstanding Writing, said,

“In a world that entices us to browse through the lives of others… [and] to be constantly visible (for visibility these days seems to somehow equate to success), do not be afraid to disappear, from it, from us, for a while, and see what comes to you in the silence.” (Acceptance speech 2021 Emmy Award for Outstanding Writing for a Limited or Anthology Series or Movie for HBO’s I May Destroy You).

Today, we learn to disappear for a while, into the silence, to receive some reprieve through the rhythms of prayer. For……

These rhythms of prayer heal us of our restlessness and addictions.

These rhythms of prayer guide us to commune with God.

These rhythms of prayer offer us the beautiful gift of a yielded life.

These rhythms of prayer sustain us over the long haul of discipleship.

These rhythms of prayer bring us life.

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The Practice of Solitude

Solitude is defined by the dictionary as the state of being alone. However, in Christian spirituality, we refer to the spiritual practice or discipline of solitude as being alone for the exclusive purpose of fellowship with God. We do not seek to be alone because we are uncomfortable being with people and wish to avoid them. Nor is the purpose “me time” – being alone to do my own thing, to have a time-out, whether it be a Netflix binge, a café visit, shopping, or being absorbed in a hobby or sport. The practice of solitude is about time alone with God, being alone and free from all distraction of people, amusement, things or tasks. “Go to your room and pray in secret”(Matt 6:6) was Jesus instruction on discipleship and prayer. To pray in secret is to pray alone. Room (Gk tamion) is a chamber, an inner room for one to retire, to have privacy. In effect Jesus was encouraging a practice of solitude and prayer. 

Why Solitude Frees Us

When we are alone we feel free of the need to meet up to people’s expectations. We do not worry about having to impress people with our eloquence or our breadth of concerns for the world. We are able to be ourselves and express what is in our hearts of hearts: our deepest desires, the darkest secrets, the abysmal failures, our exalted hopes and dreams without fear of a confidentiality leak or condemnation or evaluation. Solitude means being alone with Someone who loves us like no other. It creates a sacred space for God to meet with us, and for us to be changed by our encounter with him.

In this state of aloneness with God there are no scaffoldings: no activities to keep us occupied, no people or smartphone to keep us engaged, no Netflix or YouTube to keep us entertained, no work to keep us numb towards feelings we have unknowingly suppressed. There is no one to get LIKES from, no one to impress so that they FOLLOW us. It is only the solitary soul and God.

When we give God such exclusive attention the meeting with him is bound to impart life, invite change, initiate action. We are available to reflect on and receive communications from God through the many way he messages us in our daily life, through the Bible, dreams, impressions and the stirring of our desires and imagination.

When we are alone with God we find ourselves inevitably facing ourselves. Often this may be uncomfortable as the Lord surfaces for us things in us that needs his cleansing, reforming, and purifying power. Suppressed fears, anger, resentment and other insights about our true selves are able to surface because the blocks that keep us from seeing or dealing with these have been removed by the practice of solitude.

WHAT DO WE DO

We wait in silence before God, resting in the knowledge that he looks on us in love, kindness and gentleness. We breathe slowly and deeply. We still our body and our inner selves and silence all the noises in our mind. We quiet ourselves and present ourselves to him, like saints of old, “Here am I, Lord, waiting before you in solitude and silence”.

We can then turn to a passage in the Bible and read it slowly and meditatively. Or reflect on the day or week that had past. Or tell him what the day was like as a friend to a friend. Or tell him how we feel right there and then. 

To help us continually be aware of his presence and our purpose, we could light a candle. We could place a cross before us, or hold a cross, or have the Bible in our hands. We could even have an empty seat or additional mug to remind us we have Jesus with us. “If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me”(Rev 2:20).

We could start with an hour, and gradually increase it to longer periods of solitude and prayer, perhaps to a morning and later to a whole day with set times of 45 minutes to one hour of prayer with breaks in between. The day of solitude could then grow to two or three days in a retreat house with the help of a spiritual director to guide our prayer. This progression is not to be forced but the fruit of the grace of God at work in the soul that makes a soul hunger for more solitude, more time with God in prayer.

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Almost Everything You Need to Know About Having a Silent Retreat

With the Covid-19 pandemic curbing travel overseas you may want to consider using your annual leave and savings to find real refreshment and rest in God’s presence. Consider going for a silent retreat in 2021. People who found that with their regular travel plans dashed, staycationing does not really give you a sense of refreshment. A complete change of scenery was what it took in the past for a re-charge. Why not consider a change in perspective: maybe its spiritual refreshment that is needed. Jesus call to us who are weary and heavy-laden is simply: “Come to Me”. So a silent retreat of three, five or seven days may be what you need in 2021.

WHAT IS A SILENT RETREAT?

Seeking God in silence and solitude has a rich biblical tradition that reaches back as far in the Bible as Moses and his 40 days on the mountain waiting on God in silence and solitude to receive what God wanted to reveal to him: the ten commandments. Even Jesus, the One Greater than Moses, sought God in silence, solitude and prayer for 40 days before he embarked on his mission. 

Silence and solitude wean us away from internal and external distractions and expectations, and creates an inviting space for us to pray with greater ease and focus, and to know and love God more.

In a silent retreat we are intentionally withdrawing ourselves from human and digital interaction, to set ourselves apart for a specific period of a few or more days, with the sole purpose of seeking to know and love God more, and to receive whatever graces or gifts he chooses to pour on us. 

While this can be done from home, there are dedicated spaces designed specifically and intentionally to make the space conducive for prayer and reflection. Often these are owned by Catholics because they have a rich tradition in dedicated spaces of silence for retreats that goes back many centuries. The evangelicals are awakening to this need too but there are few in our region.

The blessings of a silent retreat are many and you may experience a few of these: being healed of painful and tough experiences from your past; a freedom from attachments and idols; greater awareness of self, the world and God; an increase of love, joy and peace; feeling you are Beloved of God; and deepening of your friendship with God. Other side benefits are a digital detox, a good rest, and refreshment.

A spiritual director accompanies and guides you as you seek God in prayer. He usually meets you daily in a one to one meeting, to listen what you have experienced in prayer, in order to co-discern with you the stirrings of desires, memories, emotions and hope that have surfaced. He helps you clarify what God is doing in your soul, and how you may respond to Him.

WHY DO PEOPLE GO ON A RETREAT?

Here are some of the most common reasons:

To seek God for wisdom and peace in decision-making

To rest and recover from feeling stressed and drained

To seek God’s answer to burning question

To seek God’s peace and help because you feel troubled

To make peace with your past hurts, losses, faults

Wanting a closer relationship with God

HOW CAN I PRAY ABOUT THE SILENT RETREAT?

Use this prayer for spiritual openness to prepare your heart for your retreat- before, during and after:

Father, I ask for your divine presence before, during and after my retreat. Thank you for preparing my heart for this time of intimacy with you. 

I ask for openness to listen to you speaking to me through the insights and feelings that will come to me at this retreat. May I be attentive to the movements of grace in my heart, as you lead me in prayer, worship and intimacy.

Remove obstacles and distractions that may prevent me from receiving from you. 

Open up my mind to the life-changing truths of your Word, and give me a new understanding of who you are to me and your personal love for me.

Touch me profoundly so that my life is changed by your living presence in my heart. Thank you for loving me and for reaching out to me.

 I worship you. In Jesus name. Amen.

WHAT DO I NEED TO DO BEFORE THE RETREAT?

Ask yourself why you wanted the retreat: what’s your specific purpose in making a retreat?

Find out more about the retreat house. Probably someone had told you about it but if you could see photos and videos and read about the place you will be more physically and psychologically prepared.

Pack sufficiently for comfort and safety: mosquito repellent, medicines, personal toiletries, flask, cap, comfort dried foods, favourite beverages.

Do not bring stuff that distract you from prayer and rest. The basic stuff to bring are: Bible, journal, stationery(for coloring or artwork), earphones, cell phone.

If possible, do slow down your pace a few days before your retreat. Most times we are anxiously getting things done and handing things over till the very last minute. 

Do not miss the group or personal preliminary session, if any, as they delineate the theme or give reminders of the right attitudes for the retreat.

WHAT IS IT LIKE DURING THE RETREAT – IS THERE A PROGRAMME?

In your first meeting with the spiritual director share why you came for a retreat and how much experience (or lack of it) you have in making a silent retreat. (Most people begin with a day retreat, moving on to a two- or three days retreat, then a 5- or 7- or 10- days retreat. They gradually increase the number of days as they see the need and benefits of doing so).

The first day or two are usually for you to settle into the new environment, and to rest physically and emotionally as much as possible. A tired body and a stressed mind are not conducive for listening prayer. Frequently, it begins with rest, relaxation and light reflection and the first meeting with your spiritual director. 

Do not be afraid to tell the spiritual director it is your first time in a silent retreat and ask for some instruction on how to pray and what to do during a retreat. 

After that first session, the spiritual director will tailor the programme or schedule according to your needs and his sensing. If structure helps you, schedule your day into several one-hour periods of prayer and journaling. Perhaps two periods in the morning, one period in the evening, and one at night. If more or less is expected, add or subtract as you see fit. Some retreatants prefer structure while others prefer a spontaneity and freedom to pray, walk, sleep, meditate whenever they want to. A sage once said, Pray as you can, not as you must.

Some silent retreats have more organized group programmes and schedule so retreatants gather daily for a fixed period to experience God together in some activity like a contemplative walk, or the Eucharist, or an hour of recollection. (As the silent retreat may include retreatants of different Christian traditions or physical fitness level, retreatants may discuss any wish to withdraw from any activity with their spiritual director).

Observe silence throughout the retreat unless yours is a preached group retreat that may have periods of interaction interspersed with silence. It is not called a “silent” retreat for nothing.

Avoid distractions like social media, doing work, watching videos, surfing the internet. Wean yourself from the need to use your mobile: this is a form of “virtual” silence and solitude. 

Record your key insights, emotions, memories, images in a journal, voice recorder, or cell phone. Our memories cannot be trusted, and simple records will enable us to see significant patterns and repetitions, and recollect experiences.

Before meeting your spiritual director pick the main issues, emotions, memories, desires that surfaced during your times of prayer. It is not a time for you to rattle the cognitive Bible study insights and lessons you have gleaned from your reflections, but more importantly focus on the emotions and desires.

AM I EXPECTED TO GIVE A STIPEND TO THE SPIRITUAL DIRECTOR? 

It depends. Some retreats include the stipend for the spiritual director in the overall cost of the retreat. Others do not. You have to ask if it is not clear.

A stipend is simply a gift of money to appreciate the services or ministry of the spiritual director, who in some cases, depend totally on retreatants’ or directees’ generosity to support themselves and the services they offer. It is sometimes called a love offering given out of gratitude for services rendered. 

The amount is not fixed in most cases, though Kingsmead Centre, a local retreat house, recommends $30 per session of 45minutes or 1 hour for its spiritual directors. This is only a recommendation but should not make you feel bad for giving less, nor hinder you from giving more if you wish to. You can even give a stipend or love offering even though it is already included in the retreat cost.

HOW CAN I RESPOND TO GOD’S GRACES AFTER THE RETREAT?

Recollect and review all that the Lord has done in you, or shown to you:

-Did I experience movements during the retreat? Examples: moved from fear to peace; condemning and hating myself to accepting my weaknesses; from hopelessness to hope; temptation to resolution and strength; confusion to enlightenment; from lukewarm prayers to strong desire to pray.

-What graces have I received during this retreat? Examples: strength; awareness of my weaknesses and sins; realization of my helplessness and need of God; experience of praying for longer periods; more accurate knowledge of who God really is; assurance about a decision to make; freedom from a shameful past or an addiction; honest sharing from my heart with spiritual director; a good rest.

Share with others you trust what the Lord has done for you and showed you during the retreat. Request prayer for the faithful follow-through of decisions and plans you have made during the retreat, if any. If there is none, do not kick yourself or force yourself. Get out of that productivity mode – God’s way is higher than our ways. Most times leaving the retreat feeling beloved of God, or at peace with God and people, or rested and refreshed is all you have and need.

Seek to incorporate some of the practices you have learned during the silent retreat. For example, you may want to set a time of daily prayer. Or practice silence and solitude for a half-day every month. 

WHO DO I CONTACT TO SIGN UP FOR A RETREAT?

Some Catholic retreat centres like Kingsmead Centre, Lifesprings Canossian Spirituality Centre, Good Shepherd Oasis have in-residence spiritual directors who can accompany you in your individual retreat. They may also offer group retreats with themes and programmes. Some centres, for example, Montfort Centre have excellent retreat facilities available but you have to arrange for your own spiritual director.

If you need individual spiritual direction or a full silent retreat you may write to Kae Ng at Ignatianjourney@gmail.com for more information about upcoming retreats for 2021.

For those who want retreats led by experienced Protestants retreat directors, may I recommend Rinda and Simon, my friends and ex-colleagues in the church staff. You may want to take a look at Listening Inn and click on Calendar for their years schedule of group silent retreats.

WHAT DOES A SILENT RETREAT FEEL LIKE FOR A NEWBIE?

I remembered my first full silent retreat. It was about a decade back. We went to Seven Fountains Spirituality Centre in Chiangmai. I wrote what it was like for me. You may get an idea of what it was like by reading this. Click HERE.

QUESTIONS?

If you have questions to ask about silent retreats feel free to put it in the comment box. God bless you.

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