reflection – BLOGPASTOR

Tag: reflection

Retirement pangs

3 August 2020 blogpastor 2 Comments

To reflect on 40 years of ministry takes considerable time and courage. It is a lengthy period of ministry in the only church that I have been committed to since I gave my life to Christ. It cannot be done in a day. That may be too intense and unfruitful. It needs to be done by the unforced rhythms of grace. The Spirit initiates and you attend to the memories and emotions that arise from such precious, and sometimes painful moments. It takes courage to face the fact that many mistakes had been made. Errors in methodology, in decisions, in policy making, in self-sufficiency, in motivation and in dealing with people and yourself. I wish I could go back in time and redo those days with the knowledge, experience and maturity I now have. However that is impossible and all you are left with are past failures and regrets that cannot be undone. I have to remind myself to be gentle with myself. After all God has forgiven and covered all these failures with His precious Son’s blood. When I shared this with my 3-2-1 group, Dr Jimmy Tan mentioned a quotation of St Augustine that consoled me. It went this way:

Trust the past to the mercy of God, the present to His love, and the future to His providence. St Augustine

It is consoling to know God’s mercy covers my failures and faults in the 40 years of ministry in the church. Despite the fact that members may have suffered the consequences of those decisions and policies and my weaknesses, the Lord’s mercy covers them all, and on the day of judgment the Lord will not even raise it up. I was teaching members how to interpret scriptures on zoom recently and one passage was the one about Jesus restoring Peter by the beach. “Peter, do you love me?” Its poignant and significant that Jesus never brought up the fact of Peter’s denial of Christ. It is all forgiven and under the wrap of God’s bloody mercy.

It is also encouraging to know that God’s love will be with me in the present while I wrap up and hand over my responsibilities and handhold those taking over my various duties and roles. The Lord will not discard me like a used tissue paper in the hawker center. He is very close and makes sure all is well with me emotionally. I recall the tenderness with which the Lord handled the home going of Moses. He let him see the promised land from Mt Pisgah. He let him know the bad news that he won’t be leading the people to possess the land, that the task belongs to Joshua his successor. The Lord endearingly called him, my servant, and even buried him personally. To this day, no one knows where Moses was buried.

It is strange to me to entrust the future to God’s providence, being someone who like to have options and plans. I am quite determined this time to give God a blank page for Him to fill in His time. It sounds over spiritual but I will resist using my brains to easily fill up my calendars with goals and plans, but I feel I need to take a step back, and enjoy staring at an empty page and calendar. Trusting in God’s providential care – so that while trying to do the ordinary things of life, like Ruth gleaning in the fields, ended up meeting Boaz, under God’s providential guidance of events and timing. Yes, that will be nice – to experience some of God’s surprises.

Reflection and journaling alternatives

2 January 2018 blogpastor 2 Comments

Journaling is not everyone’s cup to tea. However some kind of record of God’s work in our life and what we are experiencing should be kept if we want to grow in discernment and in awareness of ourselves.

The ancients were instructed to put up stones of memorials to remember the mighty deeds of God. Joshua picked twelve stones from the river bed of Jordan and set them up so that God’s people remember what God has done and therefore what God is like. Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob set up stone markers to remember the encounters they had with God and the words God had revealed to them.

Journaling is one pragmatic and simple way of doing this. Recording what God has done for us, in us and through us. Recording our encounters with Him and what he taught us. Recording our insights, emotions, memories, desires, dreams, and feelings. Reviewed regularly, whether monthly, quarterly and yearly to reflect on what God has been doing for you, in you and through you and what he is saying to you is a healthy way to discern God’s work and will in your life.

With the annual review I could give a name to my year. One was a year of stress. One was a year of desolation. One was a year of clarity. Last year was a year of release of burdens. I could see what God was doing with my life and how I was progressing spiritually and in ministry.

If you want to see spiritual growth in your life the organic way, you will want to record what you are experiencing, reflect on what God is doing and saying to you, and grow in discernment. No short cuts. The path of patience.

However not everyone likes recording their experiences with words, whether on paper or digitally. Here are a few other ways to remember God and our encounters and experiences:

Use a voice recorder and talk through what happened and what you felt.
Draw pictures and images to symbolise or express your emotions and desires.
Make something: origami, clay work or plasticine, or embroidery to represent what happened.
The smartphone is always with us and you could download an app that allows you to take short notes for each month. If you have a Samsung Note like I do, you have wonderful access to S Pen and S Note folders.
Take a large cardboard and draw twelve large stones, each blank stone to represent each month, and write significant key words of events or emotions.
Use Facebook to write private notes of what happened and emoticons to express emotions. Change the privacy setting to keep some of these for your eyes only.
Use Instagram and use pictures and words to record your encounters, feelings and events.
Start a free blog on blogspot or wordpress and keep whatever you record private.
Do a selfie video of yourself talking.
Use that neglected camera in the drawer and set it up on a stand and record yourself talking about what God has been doing in your life periodically.

I am sure there are several other creative ways besides deepening on our unreliable memory. Do share with us in the comments below how you do it personally?

OMF Bungalow: Elijah cave

13 October 2014 blogpastor 3 Comments

It has been two years since I last went to the OMF Bungalow. This cool place in the Cameron Highlands has been a place where God had often spoken into my life and strengthened me. It had been both a “broom tree” place and a “cave” place for me – which speaks to me of physical as well as a spiritual rejuvenation respectively. Remember Elijah?

This time it was with a reservation that I embarked on this retreat to OMF Bungalow with Koh Seng Chor, former pastor of Evangel Christian Church. We would have wanted to stay six days but only four days and three nights were available. That’s a bit short for a retreat and not worth the long journey up. Nevertheless we took it. After all OMF was quite booked and my application was late and things are seldom ideal when you feel the need for extended time to rest and pray. The length turned out to be just right.

Seng Chor lived in the East Coast and I in Jurong East. He picked me at 6.30 am in the morning and we breezed through the second link and were bantering all the way up the North South highway. Pleasant company makes long drives sweet. We had a late Indian lunch at the edge of Ipoh before turning into the old road that led to Brinchang. We passed by Ringlet town, Tanah Rata and finally passed Bringchang and up the winding road past Strawberry Park Hotel and into the OMF Bungalow at 3.10 pm. We were warmly welcomed my Mrs Chye.

Beautiful OMF Bungalow from the garden in the afternoon

Another view of the OMF Bungalow from the swing

It’s like time stood still and the exterior of the building remained unchanged this past decade that I have been there on and off- which I like. Inside however renovations had gone on – an ensuite bathroom had been added to the room opposite mine. And they were making an additional bathroom at the upper floor of the TV and play room.

I love and hate the cool of Cameron. When it gets too cold at night as it did on Tuesday, I had to wear two layers of woollen. However the morning cool is what I love the most: crisp and fresh and rejuvenating. The afternoon cool comes with sometimes blue skies, which I love, and sometimes a dismal grey, which I dislike.

A friend Rev Dr P J John gave me Psalm 139 on my Facebook post, so I spent my prayer periods meditating and drawing nectar from a few verses in that passage. The verses reassured me that God is always with me to lead and to hold me – always and unconditionally. They reassured me that I am awesome, for I am “fearfully and wonderfully made”. Seng Chor and me shared what we reflected upon and what touched us during tea and we co-discerned for each other.

The room assigned to me - love it. — The room assigned to me – love it.

A camera, a hot flask, my trusty Samsung Note - Bible and journal and sketchbook in one. — A camera, a hot flask, my trusty Samsung Note (Bible and journal and sketchbook in one).

The afternoons were great for excursions and with a car that was made easy. We went down to Ringlet to explore, to Tanah Rata for Starbucks (actually more for the wireless than the coffee), to Brinchang to buy tea and other provisions, and to Kea Farm to buy farm products like cherry tomatoes, Cameron oranges, and whatever is cheap and will make our wives happy – which means buy everything. We also had a look at the Lutheran Missions House – another nearby bungalow.

Ps Siew Meng, Ps Ching Siew Ling, PCC ministry staff, Seng Chor — Ps Siew Meng, Ps Ching Siew Ling, PCC ministry staff (fogot her name), Seng Chor

One of the delights this round was fellowship over meals with other pastors who were there. We got to know two lady pastors from Penang Christian Centre and Yee Siew Meng, soon to be appointed pastor of a City Discipleship Presbyterian Church in Kuala Lumpur. Such conversations expanded our understanding of what is happening in other places and churches and what God is doing in other people’s lives. In this case we heard that the Chinese church membership in Malaysia is in ascendancy with the new generation of Chinese schooled in their vernacular and who are more comfortable with Mandarin than English. The churches today are also more politically active and united.

I had always wondered what the OMF man who replied my applications was like . I finally got to meet Alex Lee, a pleasant and committed Christian in person. He is the guy who processes all the applications for rooms in OMF Bungalow. I asked and he told me the annual average occupancy of the OMF Bungalow is 60%. They want more pastors and missionaries from Malaysia and Singapore to use this place of quiet for prayer, and for planning too. I learned that one of the busiest periods were Decembers which is surprising to me since that is the rainy season! The off peak months are March, April, July, and August. They have rooms for just over 20 people. What I do is to ask for the dates I want and also ask that if these dates are already taken to please give me other dates available before or after. They have different fees for lay people than for Christian full time workers, and for non-Malaysians than for Malaysians. Only Christians need apply. Email to: my.resthome@omfmail.com. Please send your email for both enquiries and reservations using subject “OMF Cameron Bungalow Reservation”.