The journey of faith

We live in a world where it is expected that you know which direction you are heading in life. It is desirable you have a plan. It looks impressive: you have figured it out, you are ahead in the game, you are in control. People nod in approval. They are impressed and the probing stops. 

What if you have no plans of what you will do, for instance, after retirement? What if you said, “I do not have a plan. I don’t know. I am giving God a blank page.” Such answers go against the grain. It goes against common sense and conventional wisdom. It shows a lack of preparation. It surprises some people and they try to hide their surprise, and change the topic, as if to protect you from further embarassment. 

I am one of those without a plan for post-retirement. Actually, my old self-reliant me would have a sustainable, convergence plan. But I have deliberately refrained from strategizing. I do not even have a tentative plan. I want to rely on God more.

For me personally, it is okay, even imperative to not know what lies ahead. God is weaning me from self-reliance and self-sufficiency. He is teaching me to follow in the footsteps of Abraham, my ancestor in the faith, who obeyed even though he “did not know where he was going” (Heb 11:8b). It’s a journey of faith. He will lead me and I will end up being where He wants me to be, doing what He wants me to do. In the meantime, I want to be content with being with God, until He reveals what I am to be doing for God. Both “being” and “doing” are important but the order is paramount: the former must precede the latter. 

Already He has shown me two things He has already written on the blank sheet. He wants me to write; and second, to journey with younger pastors. Therefore, I will begin to obey Him with these two divine directives. I will obey, and watch and pray to see what develops from these steps of faith. 

Recently, I was hiking when a vista captured my attention. I stood there and saw a path that disappeared into the foliage. I could not see beyond a bend. What I could see were several large rocks at the beginning of the path. I took the photo above.

In silence I stood still and pondered. Suddenly I realized I was on holy ground. I was in front of the burning bush and God was reassuring me that though I may not have charted a map for my future, and did not know what the future held, He was with me at this beginning of my journey, as certain as I could see those rocks.

This reminded me of Thomas Merton’s honest and humble prayer:

“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following Your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please You. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that, if I do this, You will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore, I will trust You always, though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for You are ever with me, and You will never leave me to face my perils alone.”(Thoughts in Solitude)

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Have a Covid-19 Christmas!

The thought that Christmas in most churches would be a muted, quiet affair does not faze me. Straits Times’ journalist Lee Siew Hua wrote an article (click here) that sketched what a pandemic Christmas would look like for churches in Singapore. And nothing is likely to change in terms of the church’s programs for the Prime Minister’s announcement yesterday was that Singapore will move into Phase 3 of its Covid-19 management only in 28th December. 

In my opinion, it is time we had a Christmas more in keeping with the quiet, inconspicuous Christmas of Bethlehem. More in keeping with the spirit of silence, worship, and wonder of the original occasion of Christ’s birth.

The stage was a manger, not a fancy church stage. The youthful couple were in a panic, not in a party. Their guests were gate-crashing strangers filled with amazement and adoration- some educated, respected, and well-off; and others uneducated, despised and poor. And all they did was worship.

There, before a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths, they stood in silence, worship and wonder. All their cares, worries and duties forgotten during that comma when time stood still, and they wished it lasted forever. They simply stood in stillness, silence and surrender. 

The Savior has come, let us cease from the hassle and frazzle of past Christmas, and immerse ourselves in the simple peace of pause and pray. The Savior is with us. This Christmas can be very special if we choose not to be afraid of stillness, silence and solitude. 

Why not try this: on Christmas eve, hide yourself somewhere, whether in a room, a park, or on a bench in the open air, and be all alone. Relish the fact you are all alone – this is a rare Christmas treat. 

Read a passage or two about the birth of our Savior. Read it slowly more than once. Savor the word, phrase or image that draws you into meditation. Allow the memory, emotion or song that rises to consciousness to breathe. Be conscious of the presence of the Savior – and talk with the Lord. Take your time: ramble on and on if you must. Or be silent before Him and let your heart do the talking when it is ready. 

Breathe in and soak in the love of our Savior, like in a spiritual spa. The finished work of Christ is made available to us because Jesus came as a helpless, powerless babe in the trust of youthful parents who were all alone and far away from the community support they needed. God became a human, a helpless babe to save us ungrateful, rebellious and sinful humans. What astounding divine love!

I am not afraid of a quiet, muted Christmas. In fact, I look forward to it. Hopefully, we do not try to substitute this muted Christmas with more amusement, and more gluttony, and more noise, and more activity. Hopefully, we will re-connect with the original spirit of Christ’s birth. Hopefully, we will never ever be satisfied again with the “normal” kind of razzle- dazzle Christmas we have gotten used to and are tired of. 

What about you? What kind of Christmas are you looking for?

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Marie Kondo season now

The Marie Kondo season has come. Re-organize, give away, say “Thank you” and “Goodbye” to old stuff. 

This is not because of the approaches of Christmas and Lunar New Year ahead. It is simply that now that I have retired, I have been freed of many of the church ministry “To Do List” priority items, that kept many of the household duties and tasks awaiting my attention. Now that those items at the top have been removed, those at the bottom are nearer the top, and gets my attention. 

Ministry work stretched the intellectual and psychological. Preparing and preaching the sermon and trainings, evaluating and planning the worship services, facilitating meetings for planning, strategizing, reconciling, and supervising have all required the investment of spiritual, mental and emotional energies. 

Therefore, I welcome this Marie Kondo season, this season of mainly physical work with my hands. It moves me towards a wholeness and awareness of things I see, touch, smell and handle. It can be mind-boggling to figure out the best place to store stuff. Yes, sometimes I struggle emotionally to say thank you and goodbye to old pre-loved stuff that served me so well. Yet overall I find a satisfaction in seeing rapid tangible results (in contrast to trying to solve church problems like late-coming worshippers): the room became tidy, the display looked pretty, the cupboards began to breathe, I see the changes and congratulate myself, “Well done!”. 

I had a list of 29 things to do of which 9 have been done. Twenty more awaits my attention. One of them is painting the ceilings of the whole house, and the walls of two or three bedrooms. This will probably take the longest time, as I will do this in stages. I am no longer the 30 year old new house-owner who could paint the living room in half-a-day! And I belong to the generation that would rather save money and do the painting myself, rather than hire professionals to do it. 

Its burdensome when I look at the list. But if I see it as part as my movement towards wholeness, towards development of the under-developed part of my person – the sensory – it helps cast a redemptive light on the strain and load. My mantra is “This is good for me”.

Lord, help me to see you in these mundane and dreary tasks. After all, You once worked with your hands and made things. You did it with pride and an eye to your Father’s praise. Help me to see You in all things, and to find meaning in doing the most uncomfortable, dirty, odious of chores. 

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