Spirituality – Page 20

Category: Spirituality

A day’s retreat

24 December 2020 blogpastor Leave a comment

I continued to walk even after the Camino Ignaciano of the previous year. Walking is a good exercise. More than this, I find God, and feel blessed to be able to walk regularly in paths surrounded by God’s creation: the sky and grass; the foliage of trees and bush, branches and flowers; and the birdsongs. They have a soothing, calming, peaceful effect on me.

On Tuesday I met with some of my camino friends for a day and a half of retreat and recollection. It began with a walk from Monfort Centre at 7 am. The morning was remarkably cool and the sun shone friendly upon the landscape. We walked in the Chestnut Drive Park. It was a lovely park but somehow, I was bothered.

**The early morning walks were lovely and pleasant**

My mind was too occupied with analysis. Instead of immersing myself in the whole experience, noticing what I am feeling, sensing, touching, smelling, hearing, I was analyzing what I saw, thinking, “I must come here again”, “Never been here before”, “Where is this path connected to?” “Where are we now?” I was thinking and not feeling, gathering information and not savoring the experience.

After the hike, we had a period of silence and reflection until 4.30pm when we met together for a planned experience. I reflected on how the hike as well as the lunch which I gulped down, and realized I was like an observing from outside the experience looking in. I was not present. I did not savor the full experiences of the hike and the lunch. I was lost in thought and analysis. I have noticed that this has been my functional mode of living out each day, this detachment. I had been an observer of life not a full participant. It is like being half-dead. Not fully alive to life’s fullness.

I journaled this observation and prayed the Lord will grant that I will be able to grow in awareness, and be more fully present to life’s daily experiences.

At 4pm we met and did a decoupage of a glass bottle. We were asked to express our dreams, desires, feelings or prayer through the craft of decoupage. I chose to express my prayer of the day. I looked for colors and patterns in the napkins on the table and expressed my prayer through the decorated bottle. I observed that I was fully absorbed in the craft and lost track of time and surroundings. Right until it was all done and I continued to talk to the Lord while my prayer, my finished “work of art” stood proudly on the desk.

I totally enjoyed this experience of my hands and creative instinct taking charge instead of logical analysis, my right brain dominating my left brain. I felt like signing up for a systematic decoupage course. It will do me lots of good.

We had a fun evening celebration with snacks of cheeses, biscuit thins, nuts, fruitcake, and wine or Coke. We took turns around the table to share what the artwork expressed. Listening to everyone express their desires, reflections and prayers was a blessed thing. May God grant all their prayers.

**My camino friends at the evening celebration and sharing with delicious snacks**

The next morning the hike began at 7 am again. I am beginning to appreciate the early morning hike. The day is so fresh and the air crisp as the sun gently and gradually peeps out of the horizon. I was more intentional in being present and I truly was. Beautiful. This mini-retreat is proving to be meaningful and fruitful.

Getting back my fitness and health

21 December 2020 blogpastor Leave a comment

I did not know how unfit I was until I tried to to summit Bukit Timah Hill via Dairy Farm. I would park near Hillview MRT and take the Wallace Trail and veer off a side path that leads to the Dairy Farm Loop, and thence to Jungle Fall Path, and down Rengas Path and back to the Wallace Trail. A good workout that takes about 45 minutes or more, depending on your fitness.

I did this once with my wife and daughter after the Circuit Breaker and found it too challenging. In the past, with regular weekly training, this route would have been fairly easy and routine. I realised how unfit I was and decided that I need to devote more time to getting fit and healthy again. In addition, I noticed that I have been gaining weight the past year. So I have decided on a program to get healthy and fit again.

Hiking

This has now become a weekly affair. It has been about a month or more of hiking the route, and I could feel that I am better able to tackle the Dairy Farm and Jungle Fall staircases with greater ease. I hope to reach my previous level of conditioning and fitness when it comes to hiking.

Cycling

This is a more accessible activity and exercise. It is so convenient for me. When I hike I have to drive a good 15 minutes to get to the Bukit Timah Nature Reserve. When I cycle, within ten minutes of cycling, I would be in the Jurong Lakeside park connector, or the Ulu Pandan park connector. This makes cycling something I can do on the spur of the moment. Even when the cloud looks grey and heavy, I could take a risk and ride, for within minutes, I can take shelter and return once the rain stopped.

**Exercise and edification and fun** **with pastor Eng Hwa**

**Even my wife can join me in this fun activity**

Cycling gives me a sense of freedom, of being mobile. I can explore different places and even take the foldable bike on the train to another park connector close to a MRT station. Besides the sense of freedom and adventure, I feel the pleasure of being faster and more relaxed than the joggers I pass by. Jogging is strenuous and requires tremendous effort. I need motivation to merely put on my shoes. Most times I give up before I leave the house. But with cycling I feel different: I look forward to it, the breeze and the coolness, the scenery I can immerse myself in, the people I can observe and look at. It is so much fun. And such a good exercise.

I have many pastor friends who cycle as well, and that makes it more fun when we cycle together and stop by places for a meal or a snack and catch up on what has been happening in our lives, what the Lord has been teaching us. Recently, I did one such jaunt with pastor Eng Hwa. We did a ride from Jurong East where I live, to Jurong Lake Gardens, Bukit Gombak’s Little Guilin, and Bukit Batok Park before we stopped for lunch and fellowship. Fun, exercise and edification – wonderful trinitarian combination.

Swimming

Now for the second week I have begun to swim laps. I find this so good for the upper body and heart fitness. My arms felt weak and limp, and I was out of breath after ten minutes of non-stop swimming. I need to do this more often, especially since the swimming pool is literally in front of my block. No excuses – just do it. I hope I will be able to sustain this. I need to learn to enjoy the swim and not think of it as an exercise I “have to” do.

Besides these I try to do my planking; and work on stretching and strengthening exercises which can be done at home.

I feel that I have neglected my physical health while in pastoral ministry. I often cannot join my hiking friends who hike on Saturday mornings because of ministry commitments. Then on Monday, I feel emotionally drained and what I needed most was a restful and quiet day to remember, rest and relish, not to forget the chores and errands to run. Inevitably, my fitness and health suffers.

I really admire people with iron discipline and great time management and self-control. These people can squeeze time in the schedule and hit the gym and workout or run or exercise like a machine. They don’t need to enjoy what they do. Just do it. Get it over with. It’s necessary so just do it. Enjoyment, pleasure is not in the sights: its purely to oil the human machinery. Like taking bitter medicine: its good for you so down it. I am not like this. Too bad. I need to find something I enjoy so that it is sustainable for the long run.

This is all part of the spirituality of ageing well.

The journey of faith

16 December 2020 blogpastor 2 Comments

We live in a world where it is expected that you know which direction you are heading in life. It is desirable you have a plan. It looks impressive: you have figured it out, you are ahead in the game, you are in control. People nod in approval. They are impressed and the probing stops.

What if you have no plans of what you will do, for instance, after retirement? What if you said, “I do not have a plan. I don’t know. I am giving God a blank page.” Such answers go against the grain. It goes against common sense and conventional wisdom. It shows a lack of preparation. It surprises some people and they try to hide their surprise, and change the topic, as if to protect you from further embarassment.

I am one of those without a plan for post-retirement. Actually, my old self-reliant me would have a sustainable, convergence plan. But I have deliberately refrained from strategizing. I do not even have a tentative plan. I want to rely on God more.

For me personally, it is okay, even imperative to not know what lies ahead. God is weaning me from self-reliance and self-sufficiency. He is teaching me to follow in the footsteps of Abraham, my ancestor in the faith, who obeyed even though he “did not know where he was going” (Heb 11:8b). It’s a journey of faith. He will lead me and I will end up being where He wants me to be, doing what He wants me to do. In the meantime, I want to be content with being with God, until He reveals what I am to be doing for God. Both “being” and “doing” are important but the order is paramount: the former must precede the latter.

Already He has shown me two things He has already written on the blank sheet. He wants me to write; and second, to journey with younger pastors. Therefore, I will begin to obey Him with these two divine directives. I will obey, and watch and pray to see what develops from these steps of faith.

Recently, I was hiking when a vista captured my attention. I stood there and saw a path that disappeared into the foliage. I could not see beyond a bend. What I could see were several large rocks at the beginning of the path. I took the photo above.

In silence I stood still and pondered. Suddenly I realized I was on holy ground. I was in front of the burning bush and God was reassuring me that though I may not have charted a map for my future, and did not know what the future held, He was with me at this beginning of my journey, as certain as I could see those rocks.

This reminded me of Thomas Merton’s honest and humble prayer:

“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following Your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please You. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that, if I do this, You will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore, I will trust You always, though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for You are ever with me, and You will never leave me to face my perils alone.”(Thoughts in Solitude)