Deeper Friendship with Jesus

A deeper friendship with Jesus – this was one of the strong desires that surfaced during my prayer retreat I made last year before my retirement in November. I did not want my times with God to be dominated by ministry burdens, decisions, church issues, and preaching preparation as it was during my pastorate. I wanted my relationship with God to be more like a friendship. “I not longer regard you as servants but as friends” was what Jesus said to his disciples before his passion. There would be a greater warm intimacy, more disclosure and collaborative partnership in the relationship. When I am with my pastor friends I do not only ask favours and request information and talk about ministry issues, I also talk about what’s going on in my family and life, my everyday stuff, and light-hearted matters and incidents too. I wanted something of this in my relationship with the Lord too. So I have been praying more for this grace recently: a deeper friendship with Jesus, and started talking to him about anything and everything about the day that passed. In addition, I saw a small booklet at my bedside table titled, Keeping In Touch With God by M. Basilea Schlink, the founder of the Evangelical Sisterhood of Mary. I browsed the pages and saw that this could be helpful in fulfilling this desire that surfaced during my prayer retreat last year. Let me share a snippet here, a prayer she wrote that I found resonant with what I want in my relationship with God. I hope it stirs a similar desire in you to want a deeper friendship with Jesus too.

JESUS, YOU SHALL BE FIRST IN MY LIFE.

I want to talk with you and work for you.

I want to think over everything with you, making all my decisions with you.

Nothing shall be done without you, for I do not want to shut you out of my life.

Bind me tightly to you so that nothing – no work, no burden, no other interest, no joy – can separate us during this day.

So may I constantly live in your holy presence: FOR YOU ARE THERE!

M. BASILEA SCHLINK
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Christian Prayer Retreat: whose great idea?

Today Christian prayer retreats are available in many different forms across many traditions. They can be categorized broadly as personal retreats, group retreats, and daily life retreats. What are these? Who originated the idea in the first place?

TYPES OF RETREATS

Personal retreats are adaptable to many different life situations, personal needs and spiritual growth stage. They can be as short as a few hours which is suited for beginners, to one day retreats and to longer retreats of about a week to thirty days (like the well-known Spiritual Exercises of St Ignatius). The longer retreats usually include an individual prayer guide called a spiritual director, with whom the retreatant meets daily to share what he or she had experienced in each day of prayer. These longer retreats are therefore also called “personal guided retreats”.

Group retreats are of various sorts. Preached retreats are what we Protestants are more familiar with. They are like “church camps or conferences” with three to five messages per day, but with more time in between for reflection and prayer. There are those group retreats that involve some dialogue and interaction among retreatants, with more time for reflection and prayer. Finally, there are group retreats that include usually daily spiritual direction for everyone, and very brief presentations by the retreat leader. This usually follow a theme or structure, but at times may be individual-focused and not theme-bound.  

The final type of retreat besides the personal and group retreats, is the daily life retreat. This retreat is designed for people who are unable to withdraw from home or work like in the other retreats. They make a retreat without withdrawing from their usual life, by committing themselves to a daily time of prayer for a specific number of weeks or even months following a program of meditation and prayer, guided by a spiritual director periodically. 

CHRISTIAN PRAYER RETREAT: WHOSE GREAT IDEA?

There is variety and rich creativity of themes and forms in Christian prayer retreats, but whose great idea was this? Christian prayer retreats in its fundamental form as we know it today is commonly attributed to Saint Ignatius, founder of the Society of Jesus. He was a military man of the 16th century, adventurous and reckless with women, games, brawls and armed conflict. He was wounded severely in one leg while defending the territory against France, and during his recovery in Loyola, he was deeply affected by two books, “The Life of Christ” and “Golden Legend” – a book about the exploits of saints. That convalescence was a bed of repentance and transformation which propelled him with great hunger towards God. 

He decided to make a pilgrimage to Jerusalem, but on the way there, he had encounters with God, particularly in Manresa where with much fasting, asceticism and long hours of prayers every day he sought to know God and his will. It was in Manresa that he began taking notes of his keen observations about his self-awareness and the dynamics of what he was experiencing as he sought God in prayer. These became the embryonic beginnings of his classic contribution to Christian prayer retreats, a manual titled “The Spiritual Exercises”, which contains guidance about how to help people experience God through meditation and prayer of the gospels, and make a commitment to serve God from a place of spiritual freedom. 

He began giving out exercises to his friends and seekers who approached him, preferably with them withdrawing from usual activities to devote themselves to meditation and prayer, but also for those who could not, spiritual exercises on a daily basis. Many who devoted themselves to these “prayer retreats” experienced life-transforming encounters with God, and he trained his followers to give these exercises to other seekers too. Till today, the Spiritual Exercises are still being given by Jesuits and others, and the manual he wrote, used by spiritual directors around the world, as it was in the original format, but mostly with adaptations.

From the early years, the form of the Spiritual Exercises could always be adjusted to the needs. It was never rigid. And the Jesuits used different variations and people of other orders and traditions creatively morphed it too. The fundamentals of the Christian prayer retreat remain the same: withdrawal from usual life for time alone with God to encounter Him in meditation and prayer. The expressions or forms it takes differ in a hundred ways.

PROTESTANT CATCHING UP

During this same period, the Protestants Reformers had nothing similar to it and were actually wary of all things Catholic. The Lutherans, Calvinists, Puritans, Quakers, Baptists, Methodists, and others knew little of prayer retreats. They have thrown away the baby with the bathwater.

Sadly, modern Protestants were quick to adopt and adapt the secular world’s scientific, philosophical, psychological models, and management methods but hesitant and slow to learn from the other streams of Christian tradition, for example, the value of prayer retreats.. This lack of humble and wise learning is clearly evidenced by the scarcity of Protestant facilities dedicated for Christian prayer retreat, and of trained spiritual directors to guide God-chasers, compared to what is available among the Catholics. It was only in the 1950s that significant interest began to grow about the need, value and importance of Christian prayer retreats to the health and discipleship of the Church. Evangelicals began slow but steady steps to learn these ancient pathways, while keeping faithful to the basis of all spirituality: the gospel of Jesus Christ. 

I for one, am upbeat about the interest in Christian prayer retreat among evangelicals today. I have received much from personal guided prayer retreats and believe it is an invaluable treasure that the Church must acknowledge and tap into if it wants to be a servant church. “Morning by morning he awakens; he awakens my ear to hear as those who are taught, The Lord God has opened my ear, and I was not rebellious; I turned not backward.  (Isaiah 50: 4-6 ESV)

(The term “Christian” prayer retreat includes Catholics and is used to distinguish it from secular, New Age, and other religion’s retreats.)

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Retirement: Keeping Yourself Occupied

A good friend of mine who knows I have retired and is concerned, asked me, “Brother, how are you keeping yourself occupied?”. As I framed my reply, I thought, “Hey, this would make a good blogpost.” I decided to post my reply to him in my blog, thinking there may be retirees, pastors and laypeople, asking how best to occupy themselves after their retirement.

I am still in the honeymoon and adjustment period and this may not be what I will do after the “honeymoon” is over. Some retirees tell me that after a year or two of feeling happy to be free of all burdens and responsibilities, time management issues, social and financial realities kick in. I doubt I will face the challenge of having lots of free time with nothing meaningful to do. Perhaps, a later blogpost would be needed for an update then.

For the time being, I use a model that served me well when I had my weekly Monday off, or when sabbatical months were given to me. I would be mindful of three key words which I derive from Bible study on the purpose of the sabbath day in the Old Testament. The key words are REMEMBER (to attend to God’s word and presence), REST (to give attention to physical and soul rest), and RELISH (to take delight in activities and matters that give you life).  I give priority to meeting these three purposes each day, and if not possible, then to each week.

The activities or matters that belong to each purpose can be different and is flexible day by day, week by week. And the listed items too will get changed. To be more specific this is what the categories and items look like:

REMEMBER

Scripture meditation (currently Psalms)

Bible study (currently Ezekiel)

Prayer

Review of the day

Intercession

Reading Christian literature (dipping into various books)

Participating in worship service 

REST

Adequate sleep and afternoon naps when needed

Swimming

Walking/hiking

Cycling the park connectors

Stretching and strengthening exercises

RELISH 

Time with grandkids and family

Meeting with friends and pastors

Journeying with younger pastors

Writing and social media

Books, dramas and movies

Photography

In addition to these, there are all the household chores and tasks that seldom get done when I was actively pastoring the church. Things like decluttering, re-organising stuff, car maintenance, purchasing stuff I need, filling up warranty cards, and tiny repair jobs. I was surprised the amount of time and attention to details it took, and doubly surprised by my energy to do it. What seems to be left behind are big projects like clearing and tidying up the store room, painting all the ceilings and rooms, using my Skills Future credits, and learning how to better use my new mirrorless camera.

These, as you can see easily fills up my calendar, fills up my emotional tank, and my spiritual reserves. I suppose that with time, some items will be taken off the list, and new ones added. Some will be more frequently done, some regularly, and others occasionally. There is structure but spontaneity and flexibility as well. 

I am contented with the place I am in. I do not feel restless. I used to take pleasure in the fact that I did not have to bear certain leadership responsibilities on certain days like Tuesday staff meetings and Sunday Worship, thanking God for being free from that, while others carry them, but not anymore. I have a settled rhythm and feel the Lord has brought me to a place of space, abundance and peace. I focus on being faithful in obeying the Spirit and what he has assigned me thus far. After all the main idea is not to occupy the time productively but to be occupied with Him and what he wants of us.

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