The Practice of Solitude

Solitude is defined by the dictionary as the state of being alone. However, in Christian spirituality, we refer to the spiritual practice or discipline of solitude as being alone for the exclusive purpose of fellowship with God. We do not seek to be alone because we are uncomfortable being with people and wish to avoid them. Nor is the purpose “me time” – being alone to do my own thing, to have a time-out, whether it be a Netflix binge, a café visit, shopping, or being absorbed in a hobby or sport. The practice of solitude is about time alone with God, being alone and free from all distraction of people, amusement, things or tasks. “Go to your room and pray in secret”(Matt 6:6) was Jesus instruction on discipleship and prayer. To pray in secret is to pray alone. Room (Gk tamion) is a chamber, an inner room for one to retire, to have privacy. In effect Jesus was encouraging a practice of solitude and prayer. 

Why Solitude Frees Us

When we are alone we feel free of the need to meet up to people’s expectations. We do not worry about having to impress people with our eloquence or our breadth of concerns for the world. We are able to be ourselves and express what is in our hearts of hearts: our deepest desires, the darkest secrets, the abysmal failures, our exalted hopes and dreams without fear of a confidentiality leak or condemnation or evaluation. Solitude means being alone with Someone who loves us like no other. It creates a sacred space for God to meet with us, and for us to be changed by our encounter with him.

In this state of aloneness with God there are no scaffoldings: no activities to keep us occupied, no people or smartphone to keep us engaged, no Netflix or YouTube to keep us entertained, no work to keep us numb towards feelings we have unknowingly suppressed. There is no one to get LIKES from, no one to impress so that they FOLLOW us. It is only the solitary soul and God.

When we give God such exclusive attention the meeting with him is bound to impart life, invite change, initiate action. We are available to reflect on and receive communications from God through the many way he messages us in our daily life, through the Bible, dreams, impressions and the stirring of our desires and imagination.

When we are alone with God we find ourselves inevitably facing ourselves. Often this may be uncomfortable as the Lord surfaces for us things in us that needs his cleansing, reforming, and purifying power. Suppressed fears, anger, resentment and other insights about our true selves are able to surface because the blocks that keep us from seeing or dealing with these have been removed by the practice of solitude.

WHAT DO WE DO

We wait in silence before God, resting in the knowledge that he looks on us in love, kindness and gentleness. We breathe slowly and deeply. We still our body and our inner selves and silence all the noises in our mind. We quiet ourselves and present ourselves to him, like saints of old, “Here am I, Lord, waiting before you in solitude and silence”.

We can then turn to a passage in the Bible and read it slowly and meditatively. Or reflect on the day or week that had past. Or tell him what the day was like as a friend to a friend. Or tell him how we feel right there and then. 

To help us continually be aware of his presence and our purpose, we could light a candle. We could place a cross before us, or hold a cross, or have the Bible in our hands. We could even have an empty seat or additional mug to remind us we have Jesus with us. “If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me”(Rev 2:20).

We could start with an hour, and gradually increase it to longer periods of solitude and prayer, perhaps to a morning and later to a whole day with set times of 45 minutes to one hour of prayer with breaks in between. The day of solitude could then grow to two or three days in a retreat house with the help of a spiritual director to guide our prayer. This progression is not to be forced but the fruit of the grace of God at work in the soul that makes a soul hunger for more solitude, more time with God in prayer.

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Fasting and Prayer

One day my daughter suggested that we fast once a week. Fasting was occasional for me – when there was a pressing need. Fasting as a regular spiritual discipline? I was game to try and so was my wife. 

We decided that our fast would begin after the dinner of the previous night. Then on the next day, the fast continued through the skipped breakfast and lunch, until we broke fast with dinner. 

For me it was not difficult to find the periods of prayer in the morning and afternoon, and a joint prayer with my wife before we broke fast. I have retired. Those who work have to schedule the fast in such a way they have time to pray and reflect.

Some Spiritual Benefits

What I experienced in terms of spiritual benefits are common among those who fast.

  • I was more alert and deliberate when I prayed.
  • I saw my trust in God strengthened and my love broadened. 
  • I felt greater self-control through the Spirit’s help.
  • The Lord broadened my scope of concern beyond myself and family to Singapore and the countries of South East Asia.
  • I saw answers to my prayers. Once we prayed for two Nigerian children and their nanny who were feared to have been kidnapped. This week we received news that all three were found far away from home kidnapped by a syndicate, and the nanny was an accomplice.
  • There was added anointing, conviction and confidence when I preached.
  • A bonus physical benefit was my pants became loose at the waist.

The Spirit Teaches and Guides Us How To Fast

Initially, the Lord taught me to answer this question he once asked a blind man before healing him, “What do you want me to do for you?” I listed what I wanted, and slowly shared with the Lord each situation and my needs and concerns. I took my time to feel, reflect, talk to him and listen and receive assurance that my prayers were heard. I did it on my knees with the written list of prayer needs. Gradually I realized that while fasting, the Lord was also putting on my mind and heart the matters he wanted me to pray about. For Singapore, and for nations that are suffering from the pandemic, like neighbouring countries, Malaysia, Myanmar, Thailand, Laos, Vietnam, Cambodia, Brunei, Philippines, and Indonesia. Sometimes I asked him questions, “inquired of the Lord”, to know his mind on what redemptive fruit has come out of the evil of this historic pandemic. Fasting and prayer is not merely about making our requests known to God with earnestness, but also inquiring of the Lord, deepening our communion with God, letting him share his burdens and concerns with us, and humbling and repenting before him.

Different Forms of Fasting

There are of course many different kinds of fast each suited to the lifestyle of the one fasting. It may be different for the mother of three young kids, the working professional, those in National Service or in schools. There are different forms described in the Bible and you can learn more about them by googling the topic.

Pray and launch into the deep by fasting a day and let God teach you more as you move along in faith. Or you could do this gradually – skipping a meal, then two, then three meals. Find some friends to join you in a pact and doing it together gives added strength of purpose.

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Checking In With Our Feelings In Prayer

Checking in with our feelings at the beginning is another tool or aid to prayer. To be aware of our emotions is a good prelude to authentic prayer. We are praying as a whole person. We do not come to God only with our minds and reason. We come to him with body, mind, and emotions. Authentic prayer has to include how we feel.

The psalms give us ample examples of David’s authentic cries and range of emotional expressions. He is called a man after God’s heart and while in essence it meant he is one who seeks to do God’s will, authenticity about how he felt at different points in his life situations, and the ability to express that in prayer is certainly part of the spirituality in David that God loves.

What father among us would be satisfied with perfunctory, utilitarian, pragmatic prayers where children only ask for what they want and need. What father wouldn’t be delighted to hear his child share the emotions and deep feelings of his or her heart in the midst of happy or difficult life situations. It adds a deeper dimension to their relationship for sure. This is what God wants from us too. But too often we bury or repress or bypass our emotions and go straight into “business” or “the task at hand” – a transactional attitude towards God where an exchange takes place as though God is a Supernatural Vending Machine, not a father who loves and wants a closeness with us.

So a great aid to prayer is to sit still and reflect on what is the dominant feeling or emotion of the day or days or week. Is it confusion, pain, frustration, depression, sadness, joy, or excitement? Is it a blah blah boredom or a great sense of self-condemnation? A prolonged and deepening state of loneliness and isolation? No analysis is needed. No judgment of right or wrong is desirable. All that is needed is a gentle awareness of where we are emotionally, to feel it again and to express that to God. “Lord, I am feeling…….” If you have trouble identifying what you are feeling ask the Lord for help and look up Google for a chart of emotions that describe a wide range to help you label what you feel.

“Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise?” (James 5:13 ESV) We bring our suffering or cheerfulness or whatever emotions to the Lord and express it appropriately to Him. God loves such prayer and draws near to us who draw near to him as we are, sharing our deepest secrets and hidden emotions. Such prayer will find peace, wisdom, strength and new perspectives delivered to them.

Jesus at the garden of Gethsemane was keenly aware of how he felt and he expressed that to God and found the help he needed. Matthew records in 26:38, “Then he (Jesus) said to them (Peter, James and John), My soul is very sorrowful, even to death…” Then he went on to express that anguish to Abba Father. God delivered to him peace and supernatural strength and divine perspective.

Try this this weekend, and see how it helps you add depth to your relationship with the Lord.

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