Contemplative prayer – Page 13

Category: Contemplative prayer

A day’s retreat

24 December 2020 blogpastor Leave a comment

I continued to walk even after the Camino Ignaciano of the previous year. Walking is a good exercise. More than this, I find God, and feel blessed to be able to walk regularly in paths surrounded by God’s creation: the sky and grass; the foliage of trees and bush, branches and flowers; and the birdsongs. They have a soothing, calming, peaceful effect on me.

On Tuesday I met with some of my camino friends for a day and a half of retreat and recollection. It began with a walk from Monfort Centre at 7 am. The morning was remarkably cool and the sun shone friendly upon the landscape. We walked in the Chestnut Drive Park. It was a lovely park but somehow, I was bothered.

**The early morning walks were lovely and pleasant**

My mind was too occupied with analysis. Instead of immersing myself in the whole experience, noticing what I am feeling, sensing, touching, smelling, hearing, I was analyzing what I saw, thinking, “I must come here again”, “Never been here before”, “Where is this path connected to?” “Where are we now?” I was thinking and not feeling, gathering information and not savoring the experience.

After the hike, we had a period of silence and reflection until 4.30pm when we met together for a planned experience. I reflected on how the hike as well as the lunch which I gulped down, and realized I was like an observing from outside the experience looking in. I was not present. I did not savor the full experiences of the hike and the lunch. I was lost in thought and analysis. I have noticed that this has been my functional mode of living out each day, this detachment. I had been an observer of life not a full participant. It is like being half-dead. Not fully alive to life’s fullness.

I journaled this observation and prayed the Lord will grant that I will be able to grow in awareness, and be more fully present to life’s daily experiences.

At 4pm we met and did a decoupage of a glass bottle. We were asked to express our dreams, desires, feelings or prayer through the craft of decoupage. I chose to express my prayer of the day. I looked for colors and patterns in the napkins on the table and expressed my prayer through the decorated bottle. I observed that I was fully absorbed in the craft and lost track of time and surroundings. Right until it was all done and I continued to talk to the Lord while my prayer, my finished “work of art” stood proudly on the desk.

I totally enjoyed this experience of my hands and creative instinct taking charge instead of logical analysis, my right brain dominating my left brain. I felt like signing up for a systematic decoupage course. It will do me lots of good.

We had a fun evening celebration with snacks of cheeses, biscuit thins, nuts, fruitcake, and wine or Coke. We took turns around the table to share what the artwork expressed. Listening to everyone express their desires, reflections and prayers was a blessed thing. May God grant all their prayers.

**My camino friends at the evening celebration and sharing with delicious snacks**

The next morning the hike began at 7 am again. I am beginning to appreciate the early morning hike. The day is so fresh and the air crisp as the sun gently and gradually peeps out of the horizon. I was more intentional in being present and I truly was. Beautiful. This mini-retreat is proving to be meaningful and fruitful.

Have a Covid-19 Christmas!

15 December 2020 blogpastor Leave a comment

The thought that Christmas in most churches would be a muted, quiet affair does not faze me. Straits Times’ journalist Lee Siew Hua wrote an article (click here) that sketched what a pandemic Christmas would look like for churches in Singapore. And nothing is likely to change in terms of the church’s programs for the Prime Minister’s announcement yesterday was that Singapore will move into Phase 3 of its Covid-19 management only in 28^th December.

In my opinion, it is time we had a Christmas more in keeping with the quiet, inconspicuous Christmas of Bethlehem. More in keeping with the spirit of silence, worship, and wonder of the original occasion of Christ’s birth.

The stage was a manger, not a fancy church stage. The youthful couple were in a panic, not in a party. Their guests were gate-crashing strangers filled with amazement and adoration- some educated, respected, and well-off; and others uneducated, despised and poor. And all they did was worship.

There, before a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths, they stood in silence, worship and wonder. All their cares, worries and duties forgotten during that comma when time stood still, and they wished it lasted forever. They simply stood in stillness, silence and surrender.

The Savior has come, let us cease from the hassle and frazzle of past Christmas, and immerse ourselves in the simple peace of pause and pray. The Savior is with us. This Christmas can be very special if we choose not to be afraid of stillness, silence and solitude.

Why not try this: on Christmas eve, hide yourself somewhere, whether in a room, a park, or on a bench in the open air, and be all alone. Relish the fact you are all alone – this is a rare Christmas treat.

Read a passage or two about the birth of our Savior. Read it slowly more than once. Savor the word, phrase or image that draws you into meditation. Allow the memory, emotion or song that rises to consciousness to breathe. Be conscious of the presence of the Savior – and talk with the Lord. Take your time: ramble on and on if you must. Or be silent before Him and let your heart do the talking when it is ready.

Breathe in and soak in the love of our Savior, like in a spiritual spa. The finished work of Christ is made available to us because Jesus came as a helpless, powerless babe in the trust of youthful parents who were all alone and far away from the community support they needed. God became a human, a helpless babe to save us ungrateful, rebellious and sinful humans. What astounding divine love!

I am not afraid of a quiet, muted Christmas. In fact, I look forward to it. Hopefully, we do not try to substitute this muted Christmas with more amusement, and more gluttony, and more noise, and more activity. Hopefully, we will re-connect with the original spirit of Christ’s birth. Hopefully, we will never ever be satisfied again with the “normal” kind of razzle- dazzle Christmas we have gotten used to and are tired of.

What about you? What kind of Christmas are you looking for?

Awakened and blessed

18 September 2020 blogpastor Leave a comment

I was not aware that I was tired and stressed these past eight months. Working from home, cancellation of ministry, and the imminent retirement gave me the idea that this was a less hectic period in years. But it was not. I realised that the constant changes in government advisories and directives due to Covid 19 were stressful because we had to respond to them and make decisions and changes in the midst of uncertainty. This meant more meetings on zoom, more discussion and flip flopping in response to rapid changes. It also meant we had to record our own messages from home using our handphones. We had to learn digital stuff quickly. I had thought that as it neared my retirement, my workload should have halted, but it did not. It increased. More teaching, more handholding and handover duties, even those of the deaf congregation.

*Trees were always significant images in my retreats*

Therefore, the first two days of the retreat I slept long hours and took naps after meals. I listened to my body as best I could and found myself in bed more than normal. I realised that I was tired and never noticed it while you are still at work and fulfilling your responsibilities conscientiously. A retreat forces you to listen to the cries of your body and your emotions. So I am thankful for greater awareness of the stress of this year. Grateful that the slowing down and time for reflection awakened awareness and wisdom.

The spiritual director plays a key role and has to be sensitive to the Spirit and have knowledge of the spiritual dynamics at play in a retreat ants soul during the retreat. I was glad Lance Ng, was able to discern what the Spirit was doing in my soul and facilitate what the Spirit was wanting to accomplish. I became aware of blocks that kept me from drawing near to God, and the graces for which I should be grateful during 40 years of pastoral ministry. I learned to wait on God and let Him stir emotions, inspire ideas, and surface desires. I stop brainstorming and listing things. I let the Lord surface them to consciousness. Then I sit and ponder and converse with the Lord about these ideas. Each day I shared what surfaced and the director would point me to the next thing ahead, suggesting scriptures or paths of reflection.

As a whole the director noticed the movements in my soul are towards a deeper friendship with Jesus (apart from my roles) – a friendship without benefits. without a utilitarian purpose, without strings attached. This was all part of a movement towards spiritual freedom from the expectations springing from my role as a pastor over the past 40 years. What people expect of me as a pastor have shaped me considerably and the Lord wants to allow me to be simply a child of God, and not to have my identity, security and significance tied inextricably with being a pastor.

In the end, this was a very fruitful retreat. But it did not begin this way. I was happy with the lovely room, but was grieving over the loss of the food and spaciousness of Seven Fountains in Chiangmai, or Chau Son in Dallas. Still in denial and depression. Have to accept that travel in the coming year is going to be blocked or too expensive. If I need a retreat, I have to accept the more expensive accommodation, restricted space, and less interesting meals. I must not allow these external let-downs block me from seeking what is interior, what is unseen, and the One who waits for in love and total attention for me.