Personal and family – Page 5

Category: Personal and family

Why Pursue Spiritual Direction Course

11 January 2022 blogpastor Leave a comment

I am thankful that by God’s grace, my parents who were not church goers sent me to Sunday School in Bukit Timah Evanglical Free Church when I was in primary school. For a few years of intermittent attendance, I was introduced to Jesus, the gospel stories, the church. Even after I stopped attending, I was more open to Christianity. Thank you Lord, for without my knowing it, you were already wooing me when I was a young boy.

This divine wooing resumed when I was in secondary four, for a friend passed me a yellow booklet called “The Four Spiritual Laws”. I read it a few times and prayed the sinner’s prayer a few times. However, I told no one and my faith was inert, a dead faith. Thank God this would not remain so for too long. The wind of the Spirit blew where it willed and he chose to come like a monsoon that rained upon the nation in the early 1970s.

Spiritual Intensity

I was caught up in this spiritual revival that was poured out upon the nation. One of the theatres of spiritual stirrings begun in Dunearn Secondary Technical School (where NJC now sits) and spread rapidly to other students from various schools through the inter-school youth meetings of those days. Many experienced a crying revival of repentance and transformation, with the baptism of the Spirit with speaking in tongues. My life with God was intense, purgative, deep, empowering, life-changing, unforgettable. It laid the foundation for what God had for me in later years. I found myself driven with great earnestness towards spiritual disciplines, even to extremes at times. There was a great hunger for God and the things of God. I grew in scripture knowledge, involvement in ministry, discipling, teaching, preaching, and leadership responsibilities. I experienced many intimate and intense moments with God in lengthy days of prayer and fasting. I experienced the thrill of being used by God in spiritual gifts as I ministered in the church, receiving affirmation and helping me see what vocation God had for me. Lord this was a beautiful, memorable time in my salvation history. It is so sacred, so holy and something I treasure so much. Thank you, Lord.

The intensity and depth of the Spirit’s work in my soul led me to answer God’s call to the pastoral ministry. It was done with much consultation with the elders and with much patience and submission. The regular scripture meditations stacked up to finally quit cadet teaching and enter full-time Christian vocational work in church, with the elders’ approval. My theological education commenced with Tung Ling Bible School and then Trinity Theological College. By then the revival had waned, and so had my fire of intimacy with God, buried as I was in dry theological readings and assignments.

Pastoral Ministry & Burnout

Pastoral ministry was challenging and for many reasons I felt overwhelmed at times. During my forty years of pastoral work, I can clearly identify two periods of burnout. In both bouts it was the Lord who came to my rescue. I ended up in both times in retreat houses and found my recovery through silent retreats and spiritual direction. The stillness and silence, the separation from the normal busyness and distractions helped me to draw close to God and hear from him more clearly. Cleansing and release came and hope was restored, and in both occasions I returned to pastoral ministry renewed, refueled, reconfigured with a new operating system.

This led me to wish that I had experienced the blessings of contemplative prayer and soul care earlier in the pastoral ministry for then I would have been more effective and be able to bring more credit to my Lord. I cannot rewrite the past but I can help others who have the whole future ahead of them in pastoral ministry or leadership. I do feel for younger pastors in ministry plodding and navigating the very challenging seascape of church today. Burnout and discouragement and disillusionment are real threats to cutting short God’s assignment for them.

In His Time

I saw no training for spiritual direction in Singapore and began praying for one to open up. I tried to sign up for overseas training but the timings in both cases were not right for me. When Life Direction Singapore decided to run a course, I attended the introductory. However, I found the fees for the twenty-one months course beyond me and decided not to attend. God intervened miraculously and an anonymous giver I do not know at all offered to cover half of the $10,000 fees. God knew the longing of my heart and my need to be equipped and removed the obstacle that blocked me from saying Yes to God’s invitation. For this Lord, I give you thanks with all my heart for even in my retirement you have assignments for me and the supply of grace, gifts and provision would be there. Amen and amen.

Stirrings From My “Sabbatical”

21 December 2021 blogpastor Leave a comment

My staying away from church was meant to be time away from the church so that the new pastor of the English congregation could establish his leadership and bond with the people in peace. For me this has become a blessing partly because this separation was not painful or stressful. Not painful because I was unseen in church but present in spirit through the online services. I also did not have to plan in which church to hide myself. It has become a sabbatical of sorts for me. I could not travel out of the country. I stayed home most of the time, which suited me fine, as I am a homebody. Interestingly, while the ground was “fallow” during the past year, something was stirring deep within my soul – at least three stirrings I can discern thus far.

Writing

One was the stirring to write. Straight after my official retirement, it was prophesied over me that I should write. God has given me the enablement, inspiration and desire to write. I have organized ideas for two booklets, and I have more or less collated material for one and now have to learn how convert my material into an e-book. I have begun work on my second book idea but I can see it will take some time as I am working at a leisurely pace without any deadline pressures. Pray for me please.

Evangelistic Preaching

Another stirring has to do with an amazing shift in interest and desire from teaching God’s Word to preaching/proclaiming the Good News. During forty years of pastoral ministry my main focus was explaining and teaching scriptures to God’s people, making truths understood in clear, simple words and without jargon. I always shunned from evangelistic preaching. It was not my gift. Or so I thought. Now I found myself preaching with an evangelistic zeal and intention I never had before. Even though I knew that I was preaching to the saved and converted, I would include evangelistic content and appeals. God is stirring my heart to pray for an anointing for preaching the Gospel and for the salvation of souls. I saw this develop in my past few sermons. They all had an evangelistic thrust and passion. I believe God is up to something exciting because that is how I feel about this shift. I feel motivated to retool myself and I am praying for an anointing to do this work. Pray for me.

Spiritual Direction

The third stirring is a desire to be formed and trained for spiritual direction. Since it was in silent retreats and through the ministry of spiritual direction that I was saved after experiencing two burnouts, I feel indebted and enthusiastic about making this ministry available to more people. I have tried on two occasions to attend such formation courses but both timings were not right. Then during the recent months an opportunity arose with an ecumenical group of experienced spiritual directors feeling led of the Lord to run a course in Singapore. I nearly did not sign up, but for an anonymous donor who generously offered to pay for half of the fees of the course. I saw this as the Lord’s intervention and invitation to me. Starting in the new year, I begin my twenty one months formation course in spiritual direction. Pray for me please.

Retirement Update

29 November 2021 blogpastor Leave a comment

It has been a year since I retired. There is only one word to describe it: SWEET.

I looked at my TO DO list and saw what is left undone and they are: Use Skills Future Fund, CPF Inquiry, Look at camera Fujifilm xs10 manual, Paint all ceilings (one ceiling left – the biggest one), Set up Pay Now. Twenty four of the listed items have been done and many, many more that were not listed. It’s been sweat, not sweet.

I treated the year as a sabbatical I never had in forty years of pastoral work. My sabbaticals were from three to six months. I longed for a “biblical” one year sabbatical. My first was a short sabbatical in 2000 when I attended conferences with Pastor Lawrence Koo and Andrew Khoo at the Toronto Airport Church, Willow Creek Church, and Brooklyn Tabernacle Church. On the second three months sabbatical I mainly learned to fish – literally. The third one was six months and the most fruitful: I was 35 days in a prayer retreat in Chiangmai. The most recent one was three months and I did the Camino Ignaciano, another meaningful retreat.

When I retired as the senior pastor, I felt I had to stay away from church so that the new pastor in charge of English congregation can settle in with ease as the new leader. Thankfully this period coincided with Covid-19 and made staying away less painful. Church services were just a few clicks away every Sunday. Initially, I thought six months was sufficient. Near the end of that period, I decided to extend it to a year.

Rest for the body and soul

It was a good year of sweet rest. I listened much more to my body and paid attention to its needs. I am healthier now than before I retired. I could sleep-in most days and sleep came easily for me, so I felt very rested. Thankfully, I did not have to force myself into some regime of strict exercise or diet. After all, I enjoyed outdoor sports activities and, without gritting my teeth, health was a natural outcome. In addition, being extricated from pastoral cares and burdens also freed the soul to rest and this is so good for health, and so sweet.

The art of relish

During retirement, I could do the things I enjoyed most. I went back to blogging and writing and am currently working on two ebooks for distribution (pray for me). I blogged more regularly than before and have seen a return of readership. I have read more widely: novels, thrillers, non-fiction and others. I have returned to leisure cycling and hiking, but could not return to tennis because I had tennis elbow the first time I did. I am also learning photography and joining my wife in a new sport called pickle ball.

Family time had expanded and contracted. For over a year my daughter was working remotely and stayed with us and that was such a joy, and my sons and their families came back from overseas. My grandchildren were fun to have around whenever they came by my home. But now they have gone to the US for work though it’s a comfort that we still have a son and his wife around. The nest is empty but my wife and I have much more time together and this is also a privilege to treasure and enjoy as we are in our mid-60s and only God knows how much time left we have together. Retirement is sweet with no working hours hindering our full enjoyment of God’s gifts of family and pleasurable activities.

Intimacy and friendships

The most delightful and fruitful of all activities was simply time spent on fellowship with God. I loved prayer, reading, journaling, and having the luxury of time to slow down and be quiet before God. I was worried that my life of prayer would taper off when I retired, but it was not so. I still made prayer a priority even though there were no sermons to preach, nor decisions to make, nor people problems to grapple with, nor emotional turbulence to process. Part of this delight was reading Christian books that nourished my soul, and theological stuff that stretched me intellectually. I could also go on a prayer retreat albeit locally.

Another delight is my continued fellowship with pastor friends, some retired, some not. I continued fellowship with individual pastors as well as small group of pastors, including a recent addition: some pastors from Ministers Fellowship International, Singapore. I am also blessed to be a part of a small Catholic community that organizes caminos (journeys) and prayer retreats.

Did I still preach during the past year? Yes, I did. I took a four-month hiatus, and then began to preach after that, but only occasionally in the English and deaf congregations, and mostly in pre-recorded services, which I have gotten used to! I enjoyed the lighter preaching schedule as you have more time to to conceive and gestate and carry a sermon before delivery.

With the recent news of a new strain found in Africa, called Omicron, and which WHO viewed as a “variant of concern”, I pray that the current move back to on-site vaccinated services will not falter but continue to bring God’s people together.

“Lord, have mercy. Waves upon waves of infection have touched so many nations and our tiny island. Stretch out you hand to save us. Help us point people to Jesus as the only Hope of the World. Free us from fear, frustration and depression and fill us with new joy and peace that can only be found in YOU! Amen.”

This was how the sabbatical year panned out but I will leave to another blogpost some updates about the near future.