Personal and family – BLOGPASTOR

Category: Personal and family

Pray for Healing or Self-control?

3 April 2025 blogpastor Leave a comment

It was hard for me to accept the doctor’s diagnosis. I came back from Lanzhou. I had a sharp pain at the joint of my large toe on my right foot. It looked inflamed and sensitive to the touch. It was so bad I struggled to walk to the clinic. My wife had to support me.

I was puzzled. I had been travelling. No sports, no tennis. Where did this injury come from? I shared my bafflement with the doctor. The doctor asked pertinent questions, looked at the inflammation and with a deadpan face, said, “You have gout”. I was stunned. Wasn’t this a rich man’s disease? I wasn’t.

I tried to recall what I ate during the trip. I remembered that during our goodbye meal with friends in Lanzhou we were in a Hui Muslim restaurant and we had their lamb. It was so good that we ordered an additional large serving. I had never tasted such delicious lamb and walloped. It was the most memorable dish of the trip! Later when I checked on foods that caused gout, red meat like lamb was one of them.

This was my first episode of gout. Attack is a better word. First attack of gout. It would not be the last because over the past decade or more I have been having gout attacks, usually at the end of Christmas or Chinese New Year.

This week I had been confined to an office chair to move around the house or walking with a hiking pole. I have been praying for healing, and testing the limits a few times this and last year. The result is I broke the average number of annual attacks in 2024.

Gout attacks is like a shadow. It follows me and appears when the sunlight is strong. I have reflected on this and begin to think that this is God saying “No, I want you to live with this because it is good for you!” God saying No to healing is nonsense to most Pentecostals. Am I giving up on praying for healing? Maybe I should be praying for self-control instead?

Jacob struggled with an angel and ended up with a permanent limp. He needed a staff to help him walk. Perhaps the Lord knows something I do not know. Perhaps I needed more self-control in my diet. He may be protecting me from careless eating in order to answer my prayer for divine health. Real health. He may be teaching me to fish instead of continually going to him for fish.

What do you think?

A Year of Pruning and Fruitfulness: Reflecting on 2024

6 January 2025 blogpastor 2 Comments

This has been a satisfying and exciting year for me. If you had asked me earlier in the year, I would not have said so. Upon reflection, I see patterns that give meaning and joy to my journey.

I read my journal leisurely, covering a quarter each time. After reading, I took notes of repetitions, prayers, desires, laments, and anything that stayed on my mind. I noted my reactions, feelings, gratitude, and pain points. After collating these notes, I prayerfully reflected and saw two main themes of what God did in my life in 2024: pruning and fruitfulness. “…every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit” (John 15:2 ESV).

Trials and triumphs

This year has been personally trying for both my wife and me. My wife was in the hospital for 51 days due to a bacterial infection that affected her spine. It required several months of antibiotics and a spine operation for her to be completely well and able to resume her active life. God’s grace was upon us, and the verse that comforted me during my wife’s illness was fulfilled. “When you pass through the waters I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you. When you walk through fire you shall not be burned and the flame shall not consume you” (Isaiah 43:2 ESV). It meant that my wife would go through this difficult trial but would not be harmed and would come out fine. Praise the Lord, that was exactly what happened.

In the third quarter, I experienced several weeks of pain in my right back shoulder and arms. It was so bad in the first few days that I found it difficult to sleep. An X-ray indicated some narrowing of C3, and C4 causing nerve pains. I was given muscle relaxants, plasters, and referrals to a physiotherapist and spine specialist. The stages of my healing went from intense pain to annoying pain to irritation pain to finally vanished pain.

Besides the medicine, there was a spiritual aspect to the healing. “This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him and saved him out of all his troubles” (Psalm 34:6). This poor man also asked many pastor friends and church friends to pray for him. The Lord also gave me a verse that brought me to my knees in contrition. “Before I was afflicted, I went astray, but now I keep your word” (Psalm 119:67). It was a time when the Lord opened my eyes to my sinfulness and poverty. I experienced a mini-revival: “The instructions of the Lord are perfect, reviving the soul” (Psalm 19:7). By the time of my physiotherapy appointment, I was completely pain-free and decided to skip the specialist appointment.

The pruning yielded more fruit. The Lord God is the gardener, and he prunes the branch that bears fruit so that it bears more fruit. My soul was stretched, stitched, healed, and revived. Even amid painful trials, God was present, and I saw his providence, provision, interventions, empowerment, and many answers to prayers.

Fruitful year

I noticed a few answered prayers about the book I was writing. God gave me the grace to edit and sometimes rewrite my draft, professional help to design the book cover, and publishing guidance and assistance from a Tung Ling classmate. My pastor friends read the draft and gave me their comments and endorsements of the book. I was elated at the sudden spurt of progress and saw God’s hand upon it.

I also saw more fruit and expansion in itinerant preaching and spiritual direction. God kept opening doors and giving me opportunities in both of these ministries.

It was a joy to have my adult children and grandchildren return from overseas to spend considerable time with my wife and me. It was a deeply meaningful year for me.

One of my classmates in the formation program shared an apt image that pictures what I experienced in 2024: “IN A YEAR, YOU HAVE GROWN, OVERCOME, AND BEEN SHAPED BY HIS GRACE”

Where Are You? Gen 3:9

8 May 2024 blogpastor 8 Comments

Well, Lord, I was on the mountaintop enjoying the fresh air and views with You. Freed from pastoral work in church, and able to do only what I love and want to do, I felt a new lease of life and vision. My physical health improved and the doctor took me off blood pressure pills. I enjoyed the slower pace of life, the simple joys of home-bound living during the two years of the covid pandemic, and enjoyed preaching in my home church and in other churches as well as in teaching missions. I received formation as a spiritual director with a wonderful community of brothers and sisters, many of whom became friends and fellow ministers. I was blessed by an ecumenical community of spiritual directors and religious who taught, formed and loved us. I tasted the privilege and joy of accompanying others in their journey of growth. Thank You, Lord, for a sweet retirement and transition in new avenues of ministry.

Lord, this year I found myself in the valley of distress and uncertainty when my wife was attacked by bacteria on her spine which caused unbearable pain for her, and anguish for me as I felt powerless to relieve that pain. Thankfully, even in the valleys of life, You are actively present. You gave me this verse in Isaiah 43:2, “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through the fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.” You spoke and I was strengthened (Daniel 10:19).

My wife was in the ward and the community hospital for a total of 51 days. You were with her in her pain and her deliverance from it. She went through the spinal operation You granted us a godly surgeon, Dr Reuben Soh, and his skillful hands stabilized her spine and removed the cause of her pain. She had antibiotics infusion for weeks on end. You gave the infection specialist Dr Jean Sim the wisdom to treat my wife. It was a medical emergency and she was in grave danger, but You, O Lord, was with her, and today she is recovering well. You moved many pastors, friends and my church family to pray and You heard and answered them: today she is well and no longer in pain. Lord, You are so good.

Lord, I thank you that now I am out of the valley and in the plains. My wife Jenny is at home getting stronger with her twice-a-week physiotherapy sessions at St Luke’s Hospital and she continues with an oral antibiotics course. I am less tired and at peace. I am also beginning to return to the routines and joys that were a part of my usual schedule. I continue to preach and teach and this gives me joy. I continue to give spiritual direction to a few persons who want You to direct their lives. I have begun to edit and refine the first draft of an e-book that I have written. I was able to continue playing pickleball twice a week whenever possible. Beginning in May, I will be putting on my backpack and hiking shoes and preparing pilgrims for their camino in October 2024. Lord, You also answered one of my longstanding prayers as I did not know what course to use my Skills Future Credit on. Soon I will attend a course on Artificial Intelligence, and it will be conducted near my home too. Thank you for sending Susan who talked about and recommended the course and helped me to sign up.

Lord, I know there are some limits to ministry and meetings when they conflict with physiotherapy and medical appointments. These limits, I believe, are necessary and will only be temporary. I believe Isaiah 43:2 and You will strengthen my wife and make her as active and healthy as before.

Lord, does this answer Your question?