Saying Goodbye To Solemnising Marriages

I was allowed to download wedding photos of Jeremy and Eleen Ling. They are the last couple whose marriage I would solemnise in my forty years of pastoral ministry. I was surprised I became sentimental as I viewed photos taken by Eirik Tan of me presiding over my last marriage ceremony. 

OLD WEDDING PHOTO ALBUMS

It made me wonder: if this is the last, whose marriage was the first I had solemnised? I could not remember. I looked at my old photo albums and there were quite a number of photos of couples whose marriages I solemnised, and a few of me at the pulpit giving the exhortation, and only one of me doing the solemnisation: Peter and Susan Ting’s wedding. I could not jog my memory no matter how hard I tried. Even my wife was clueless.

One picture in particular stood out. It was a picture of me and my mentor and predecessor, Pastor Johney, laughing about something at a wedding that he had solemnised. Priceless picture.

The old photos put a smile on my face and I decided to take some snapshots of a few and sent it to one or two persons. These photos made me look at a younger skinny me with a full head of hair, and sometimes with a mustache.

SIGNS OF MY GOING

In recent years, I have noticed photos and videos of my balding head in wedding photos, and I winced each time. It reinforced my conviction that it is time to make a final walk down the aisle and lay down my book of Marriage Service. 

I am glad my successor of the English congregation, Pastor Alvin Lim, will be taking over this solemn responsibility. Besides MDiv, and counselling degrees, and experience in marketplace and church leadership, he has a full head of hair! However, the application process was delayed and that is why I was still doing this despite my retirement.

FROM TENSION TO CONFIDENCE

The early years of giving wedding exhortations were tense because I was too eager to make an impression, to capture the audience’s attention by making the message interesting, with humour, stories and quips. Trying too hard to be memorable. 

In the later years, I realized that I need to keep the main thing the main thing. The vows and declaration are the most important climatic moment and all other components of the marriage service: the songs, the videos, the processional music, the message, must be subservient to, and should not outshine the apex of the ceremony. I began to develop spartan homilies of ten minutes length based on a Bible text that the couple want to make into a key reference point for their marriage. I want the focus to be on the solemnity and power of the vows.

JOY IN THE MIDST OF CHALLENGES

Doing this duty has its challenges: holding marriage preparation sessions, giving priority to the dates chosen by couples and working my schedule around them; preparing wedding exhortations; going through a rehearsal; and getting dressed and conducting the ceremonies. Despite this, I have always found it a joy to do weddings. Funerals are draining emotionally. Weddings are totally different. You get immersed and infected with the joy that is oozing everywhere you look. You cannot help but be flooded with the goodwill and happiness of everyone around you.

Now as I say goodbye to solemnisations I feel thankful for the privilege of being a part of what would be one of the most significant event in a married couple’s life. I grieve, but I am so thankful to God for the privilege in the last four decades. 

What has been your experience of Christian marriage services? What were your loves and loathes? What is for you the most important component or part of the whole service? What are your greatest frustrations during this disruptive pandemic year that has past?

If you happen to know that you are the first couple whose marriage I solemnised, do let me know in the comment box or drop me a WhatsApp note. Thank you.

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How To Pray For The Israel-Gaza Conflict

Who are the good guys and who are the bad ones? Many Christians will automatically consider Israel the good guys and Gaza the bad guys. This is because of our belief in God’s favor upon Israel as a chosen people, and the land of Israel as God’s gift to them.

However, you cannot pray well when you put people into categories like these. Both the Israelis and Palestinians are “bad guys” in God’s eyes. “All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God” (Rom 3:23). Therefore, it is best that we begin prayer with a heart aligned to God’s estimation. Both Israel and Gaza need the mercy and salvation of God.

PRAY FOR THE LEADERS AND PEOPLES OF BOTH NATIONS

First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way. This is good, and it is pleasing in the sight of God our Savior, who desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth. (1Timothy 2:1-3 ESV)

Pray that God will grant peace and order so that the respective peoples can go about making a good life regardless of race or religion or location. 

Pray that God will grant these peoples good leaders to govern them: wise, righteous, just and compassionate.

Join me in prayer now:

Almighty God, who Rules all nations, we humbly pray for Your mighty intervention in the leadership of these two nations. We pray that You would graciously establish leaders who are wise and really care for the people they lead; leaders who are righteous, incorruptible and just; leaders who will lead their nations to greater peace, prosperity and well-being for everyone. We plead with You to root out the bad trees and plant good trees that will bear good fruit for the whole nation to partake and rejoice in. Lord have mercy and hear our prayers. In Jesus’ mighty name.

PRAY FOR THE SALVATION OF BOTH PEOPLES

This is good, and it is pleasing in the sight of God our Savior, who desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth. (1Tim 2:4 ESV)

Christians are in the minority in both nations. Therefore, ask the Lord to grant that the spread of the gospel of Jesus Christ be effective in bringing true salvation and help to them. 

This is perhaps the only true hope for both Israel and Gaza: “the people dwelling in darkness have seen a great light, and for those dwelling in the region and shadow of death, on them a light has dawned” (Matt 4:16 ESV).

This was also Paul’s great desire for his people: “Brethren, my heart’s desire and prayer to God for Israel is that they may be saved(Romans 10:1).

Join me in prayer now:

Father in heaven, we pray for these two ancient peoples still full of hatred and bitterness towards each other. We plead with you to forgive these peoples their sins and iniquities. Have mercy on them. Do not deal with them according to their sins, nor repay them according to their iniquities. But show Your great mercy and grace upon them.

Our heart’s desire for them is that their eyes may be opened by You when they hear the gospel of Jesus’ love for them. May they come to a knowledge of the truth and turn from all others to follow the true and living God. Pour out Your Spirit upon all flesh as you promised to do in the last days, and let Your servants proclaim Your Word boldly and powerfully. Let many house churches be formed. Spark a Spirit-inspired church-planting movement among these peoples so that all the neighbours around them would know it is Your hand at work. May Your name be glorified and the communities be impacted with positive changes that last. In Jesus Name. Amen.

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How To Pray Without Ceasing

This excerpt is taken from M.Basilea Schlink’s book “Keeping In Touch With God.” I find it helpful and relevant in the very challenging times the world finds itself in. Cultivating a life of prayer talking to the Lord as a friend would to a friend is something very precious and life-giving for all who would make prayer without ceasing a spiritual discipline. The title of this excerpt is “Pray Without Ceasing”.

“HOW WONDERFUL IT IS when a person is so gripped by the spirit of prayer that these words can be written about him: He lives a life of prayer, because he does everything prayerfully. 

I am reminded of an incident may years ago, during my travelling ministry. It struck me especially forcefully, since I was not familiar with such a life of prayer at that time. A woman had asked her colleague to take some goods to the railway station to be transported somewhere. As the young co-worker was about to leave, the older woman paused for a moment in her work, folded her hands in prayer, and commended her colleague to the blessing of the Lord. 

An insignificant incident – and yet it had a message. Here was a woman who led a life of prayer. She could not help but do everything prayerfully. Prayer shaped her whole life. Prayer was such a reality to her that its impact was felt in every area of her life, guiding what she did or did not do, causing her to pause in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. 

As I watched that woman stop to pray, her action deeply convicted me. To be sure, I had my quiet time every morning, when I brought everything before the Lord in prayer. However, in the course of the day, I would go about my various tasks without first pausing to pray. Often, I was so taken up with my work that there was no time to stop and think, or – to be honest- I did not take time to stop and think, the time to be still before the Lord. 

This small incident conveyed an important truth: Our life will become a life of prayer only as we live in the presence of God; that is, only as we repeatedly become still before the Lord throughout the day, bringing before Him our thoughts, plans, intentions and actions, submitting everything to Him, asking for His guidance and blessing. This is probably what the Apostle Paul meant when he said, “Pray constantly” (1 Thessalonians 5:17).

What a privilege to do everything prayerfully, in keeping with His will, listening for His directions and instructions. When we submit everything we do and say to God, calling down His blessing upon it then our actions and words will acquire a heavenly radiance and yield fruit. Yet how seldom we make use of this privilege! Are we surprised that our words, dealings with others, work and various activities produce so few lasting results? Only a life of prayer is fruitful, for it is lived in close communion with Jesus, who said: “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in me, and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5)

It is not enough to commit the day in prayer to God in the morning and then ignore Him as we throw ourselves into our activities. No, prayer is the breath of the soul. I need to breathe over and over again; otherwise I cannot live. Leading a life of prayer means discussing with God everything the day brings, everything that touches my life, for prayer is the soul’s communication with God. 

The praying soul is someone who keeps in touch with God. Such a person does not allow people and things to absorb or dominate him; nor does he lose himself in them. On the contrary, a praying soul loses himself in God. He approaches people and situation in union with God. Consequently, the praying person is a person who imparts blessing. Everything with which he comes into contact is brought into the radiant presence of God and under His blessing. A person who blesses lifts everything in prayer into the heavenly regions, so that it bears the imprint of heaven.

Continual communion with the holy God is what gives a life of prayer its special quality, making it fruitful and blessed. Whoever spends his life in this manner is united with God, reflecting peace, serenity and joy. 

Some are experienced in spiritual warfare and yet fail to lead a life of prayer. After engaging in spiritual warfare, they just switch off, failing to maintain a prayerful attitude in word and action. Something is wrong, for the Bible says that everything we do, be it word or deed, we are to do in the name of the Lord Jesus (Colossians 3:17). Because He is the same yesterday, today and forever and always present, we will, if our attitude is right, always aim to live in complete dependence upon Him. God is not interested in us merely engaging in spiritual warfare at certain times, even though this, too, is necessary. His concern is that our whole life will be a life of prayer. 

Without a strong and deep prayer life in these demonic times, we will be lost. We will be at the mercy of depressing events, trials and temptations. The vital prerequisite for experiencing help and deliverance is that we live in intimate union with Jesus and the Father, because it is prayer that changes everything.

God is challenging us to examine our lives in His light. What fills our days? What engrosses our minds? Can we really say that we take notice of the call to devote ourselves first of all to prayer (1 Timothy 2:1)?

Those who do everything here on earth in communion with their Lord will walk with Him above in intimate fellowship. But those who do not lead a life of prayer cannot expect to be close to God above. For we will only be as close to Him then as we are now in prayer.

Can we imagine people who love each other not communicating? If we love Jesus, we will discuss everything with Him, turning everything into prayer. We will keep coming to Him, wanting His direction for every detail of our lives, seeking His blessing. 

How often we may have missed out on a blessing or, as parents and teachers, failed to convey a blessing to those in our care, because we did not consider it so important to lead a life of fellowship with God. Is this the reason why our lives are often so difficult, stressful and unhappy?

“The blessing of the Lord makes rich, and toil adds nothing to it.” (Proverbs 10:22). Everything depends on God’s blessing – at work, in our relationships with others, and so on. Instead of spending so much time talking about our difficulties or fretting about people or circumstances, let us spend more time in prayer, asking God to bless both others and ourselves and all their activities and ours. 

How much power is conveyed by the scriptural prayer, so simply yet so beautifully expressed: “The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you, and be gracious to you. The Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace” (Numbers 6:24-26)

Or we could say short prayers of blessing in our own words: “The Lord bless you in all your endeavours. May He give you love and wisdom to speak and act in His Spirit. Through the blood of Jesus may he guard your soul from all the attacks of the evil one.”

Weak, sinful and mortal though we are, through prayer we can have fellowship with God in our brief lives in this world. Could anything be more wonderful? What a privilege to invoke the blessing of the Most High through prayer. According to Numbers 6:27, blessing means placing the name of God upon a person. In the name of God lies His character. So when we pray of God’s blessing, we are calling down His love, wisdom, truth and salvation. 

Oh that we would make more full use of this opportunity! Our lives would be transformed into a life of prayer. Then we would be more restrained in saying, doing and writing things which, were we at death’s door, we would deeply regret. First, we would bring to the Lord in prayer everything that stirs us, talking it over with Him. Then He who is love and humility would point out the way of love and patience. Though it leads through the valley of humiliation, it is there we find God’s blessing, which transforms us and others, and circumstances. 

What a blessing the life of prayer is! What a blessing it is to do everything in union with Jesus, the fairest of the sons of men (Psalm 45:2)! One with Him in thanksgiving, supplication, worship and intercession, our souls rejoice, saying, 

Living and dying in You,

May all I do – or choose not to do-

Be inspired by You. 

Help me to keep this my pledge

In loving faithfulness

Till my dying breath. 

(Albert Knapp).”

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