Brief Hugs and Goodbyes

The past fortnight had been packed and poignant. My son Matthew and his family has flown for a work stint in Arizona. About a week later, my daughter, Elaine, flew back to Washington D.C. On both occasions, there was an unusual atmosphere because our goodbyes were short of fifteen minutes, at the drop off point of the Departure Hall of Terminal One, Changi International Airport. The airport was empty compared to the good old days. No long snacks and chats at a foodcourt in the airport. Brief hugs and goodbyes.

Matthew, his wife Juyoung, and his two children were in Australia for three years and came back two years ago to settle into Singapore life, renovating and living in his HDB apartment. It was wonderful to have them around especially with their two adorable, lovely children. They stayed for a while with us occupying two rooms in our apartment while theirs was being renovated. Then when they moved, they were still living ten minutes drive away from us – a great convenience for us to have time with our grandchildren. Now they have rented out their beautifully done home and we miss them.

My son Joshua came back from studies in London and he and his wife Ping were also staying with us for a while as they searched for an apartment. They hardly did any renovations before moving to their move-in condition HDB apartment. We were happy to have them around even though it was for a short few months. They are now happily living in their apartment near the city centre.

Finally my daughter Elaine came back from US because of Covid-19. All the staff had the option(with their bosses’ approval) of working remotely from their home country. She seized it and it turned out to be a good decision as she stayed with us a good year and a half. We had her with us for the two Singapore “lock downs” and we were happy for the time together knowing it would not be permanent.

When Elaine had been called back I had mixed feelings. I felt sad to miss her but at the same time I was relieved she had to go back, as working in Singapore according to Washington’s work hours played havoc on her body clock, sleep patterns and health.

WISTFUL YET GRATEFUL

I look back on the past two years with wistfulness and gratitude. Grateful for the gift of time with my two children and family. Life is unpredictable and transitory, so I realise that all these gifts from God are to be received with gratitude and to be enjoyed and treasured while they lasted. As I reflect on the past two years, I do so with fondness and sad longing, but comforted by the fact that my eldest son Joshua and his wife are still with us. I do not wish to take this for granted for God alone knows what the future holds for them or for us. Grateful for every good gift of time together.

Recently, I had been memorising verses from Ephesians. On the day, when Matthew and his family were doing their swab tests, the verse I memorised was: See then that you walk circumspectly, not as foolish but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is. (Eph 5:15-17 NKJV). How pertinent and timely! The rooms will be empty but the days need not be empty. With the extra free time, there will be temptations to fill up the time with vanity, and to miss out on understanding the Lord’s will. Since God has created us in Christ Jesus for good works that he prepared beforehand that we should walk in them, I would want to focus on knowing and doing his will.

“Lord, help Jenny and myself to grieve well over what has ended, to be thankful for the new beginnings you have for us. You are gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love. Protect us from the temptations and the evil one who seeks to infiltrate our day. Fill us with your comfort, wisdom and energy. Amen.”

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Checking In With Our Feelings In Prayer

Checking in with our feelings at the beginning is another tool or aid to prayer. To be aware of our emotions is a good prelude to authentic prayer. We are praying as a whole person. We do not come to God only with our minds and reason. We come to him with body, mind, and emotions. Authentic prayer has to include how we feel.

The psalms give us ample examples of David’s authentic cries and range of emotional expressions. He is called a man after God’s heart and while in essence it meant he is one who seeks to do God’s will, authenticity about how he felt at different points in his life situations, and the ability to express that in prayer is certainly part of the spirituality in David that God loves.

What father among us would be satisfied with perfunctory, utilitarian, pragmatic prayers where children only ask for what they want and need. What father wouldn’t be delighted to hear his child share the emotions and deep feelings of his or her heart in the midst of happy or difficult life situations. It adds a deeper dimension to their relationship for sure. This is what God wants from us too. But too often we bury or repress or bypass our emotions and go straight into “business” or “the task at hand” – a transactional attitude towards God where an exchange takes place as though God is a Supernatural Vending Machine, not a father who loves and wants a closeness with us.

So a great aid to prayer is to sit still and reflect on what is the dominant feeling or emotion of the day or days or week. Is it confusion, pain, frustration, depression, sadness, joy, or excitement? Is it a blah blah boredom or a great sense of self-condemnation? A prolonged and deepening state of loneliness and isolation? No analysis is needed. No judgment of right or wrong is desirable. All that is needed is a gentle awareness of where we are emotionally, to feel it again and to express that to God. “Lord, I am feeling…….” If you have trouble identifying what you are feeling ask the Lord for help and look up Google for a chart of emotions that describe a wide range to help you label what you feel.

“Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise?” (James 5:13 ESV) We bring our suffering or cheerfulness or whatever emotions to the Lord and express it appropriately to Him. God loves such prayer and draws near to us who draw near to him as we are, sharing our deepest secrets and hidden emotions. Such prayer will find peace, wisdom, strength and new perspectives delivered to them.

Jesus at the garden of Gethsemane was keenly aware of how he felt and he expressed that to God and found the help he needed. Matthew records in 26:38, “Then he (Jesus) said to them (Peter, James and John), My soul is very sorrowful, even to death…” Then he went on to express that anguish to Abba Father. God delivered to him peace and supernatural strength and divine perspective.

Try this this weekend, and see how it helps you add depth to your relationship with the Lord.

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Authentic Johor Laksa

This Johor laksa is superb but they only serve it on Saturdays. I am talking about the stall called “Manis Bawang” across the street from my home. The Manis Bawang was boldly started by a Malay wedding company. They used to cater for Malay weddings and still do, but the Covid-19 affected business and they were bold enough to start a food business in the HDB block at Jurong East Street 13. They take pride in the authenticity of the Malay food they serve – “real Malay taste”. I must admit their food is consistent in the taste. The Johor laksa which I am a fan of is one such dish they serve with consistent goodness. 

I like laksas. I have tried the ones in Kota Kinabalu, Kuching, Penang, Johor and different stalls in Singapore, but this fish-based laksa is one that always left a strong impression on me. I always said, “Shiok”. I always remind myself to relish it slowly but usually end up slurping it up more quickly than I wished – to my consternation. 

Sadly I believe the Michelin guys overlooked this Malay stall since it began only in 2020 during the covid-19 pandemic. They should check it out on a Saturday, and consider them for Bib Gourmand. Recently, I was surprised that quite a few hawker center stalls I have patronized before were listed as Bib Gourmand recipients: a roasted duck noodles stall at Yuhua Village Market & Hawker Center; the Tiong Bahru chew kueh and corner chicken stalls in Block 505 Jurong West Market; and the soon kueh shop at Yuhua Market & Hawker Center. But why are there no winners for Malay cuisine? 

Hope they do check these guys out. They are located HERE.

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