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A Covid-19 Chinese New Year

7 February 2022 blogpastor Leave a comment

It was a calm, peaceful and quiet Chinese New Year (CNY) celebration 2022, not a tigerish one. Not that there was nothing to do. We had family visits and meals over four days. My wife cooked and had family over every day for four consecutive days.

The Eve

On Chinese New Year eve’s evening, my son Joshua, nephew and niece, Paul and Bethany Lee, and brother in law Simeon Poh came to my home for steamboat (what else?) reunion dinner. It was pleasant but we missed the usual crowd, which normally included my son Matthew’s family of Juyoung, Chloe and Claire; my daughter Elaine, and daughter in law Ping, and sister in law Baby and husband Jack. Yes, it used to require two tables, but I loved the crowd and chatter and the company of my grandchildren. This sounds rather strange for an introvert to say, but I guess as I grow older I kind of balance off with more extroversion. Then on the fifth day of CNY I met with my brothers and their wives. The week went so quickly I was curious how it sped by.

CNY 1st Day

The first day of CNY, we went to the Choa Chu Kang Cemetery to visit our departed loved ones. The Garden of Remembrance was sheltered but not the gravesite, where we ended up searching for Jenny’s mum gravesite, and my departed son Caleb’s gravesite – an unmarked grave. It was traumatic for me and my wife when the Lord took our twin son home six days after birth, and we sort of left the grave without any tombstone, as our burden laid elsewhere since the surviving twin-brother Joshua needed a lot of medical attention, and it also took many years for us to be healed of the grief and pain of loss. We will have to go back again another day and seek the help to locate his grave, as we simply couldn’t find it with the information we got from the cemetery office.

***Paying respect at my wife’s father’s grave***

CNY 5th Day

After the dinner at my eldest brother’s home, I saw some old black and white photographs of me and my younger sister, took our my mobile, and shot a few of them. Those were the days when photos were mainly black and white. I am surprised they did not fade even after sixty years in storage. The many photographs perked my curiosity as I tried to figure out who is who, and smiled at the hairstyles and dressing of those days. Looking at these old photographs are fun and makes for good conversations and learning about our family of origin and our relatives. It also made me realize that some of them are no longer with us and in a matter of two or three decades, neither would we be around. Will my children and grandchildren be swiping their iPads and looking at snazzy unfadable colour pictures of us and reminiscing about the “good old days”? I hope so! If they remembered us there is a high chance they can learn something of the wisdom of the past, even if it is what not to do.

*I am the little boy seated second from left. My mum is the third lady from the left.*

In All Things Thankful

I feel thankful for the opportunities to meet up over meals despite the restrictions to a maximum of five visitors per day and visit. If it helps to minimize the spread of Covid 19, I am most willing to do my part. Despite Singaporeans trying their level best, the number of infections tripled during the CNY period. I pray regularly for Singapore and all the countries around us, asking God to extend his mercy upon us and help us win the fight against Covid 19. I also pray often for the bold and powerful preaching of the good news about Jesus Christ and for souls to be saved and saints to be revived. The pandemic has ripened the crops and the harvest is ready for churches and Christians to reap and bring the harvest in. May the Lord enable us to do this with diligence for “he who gathers in summer is a prudent son, but he who sleeps in harvest is a son who brings shame”(Proverbs 10:5 ESV).

Spiritual Direction Formation Program Has Begun

25 January 2022 blogpastor Leave a comment

I have begun my Spiritual Direction Formation Program: the last two Saturdays were intensive sessions from 9am to 5pm. In the first introductory session we were introduced to the history of this program, to the spiritual directors, formators, supervisors, and lecturers. They shared with us who they were and how they entered this ministry and the joy and growth it brought them. All the participants shared our stories too: how we chose to sign up for this formation course.

Course Components

The course would have as its main aim to form the life of the future spiritual directors. Form, not train, because it is not about mere skills, but the forming of our disposition, inner life, and values. A few of the components of this formation is each student meeting with an assigned spiritual director every two or three weeks for the duration of the course. I had already met with my spiritual director twice before the sessions began. We will also be in silent retreats every semester with the number of days increased each time. There would be input seminars for learning content. Books to read of course. Supervision, at a later stage. This is off the cuff from what I remember.

I enjoyed the sessions thus far. Hearing the stories of all the participants, teachers and learners, in the first session was inspiring and moving. I was surprised I had stayed alert from 9am to 5.30pm that day. Of course, I shared my story too: what was in my last blogpost. No need to re-invent the wheel. The second Saturday, was more content based, but done in such a way there was fun interaction in groups of 5 and questions and answers with the lecturer/formator. Sister Linda Lizada from the Cenacle Sisters taught the session. Teach less, learn more. I also got to know more of my fellow course-mates and felt blessed and privileged because they share with authenticity and vulnerability.

We were blessed with good bento food and tea breaks and we have a firm but friendly safety officer, herself a trained spiritual director, who made sure of social distancing and safety measures were taken, like eating in your small groups.

On A Personal Note

I have two friends as course-mates. One is Ps Seng Chor, a retired pastor like me, with whom I have gone on retreats with, and with whom I am in a 1-2-3 group sharing group. The other is Juliana, whom I knew from a camino, and our work with the team at Iganatian Journey, that organizes retreats and caminos.

*Me and Seng Chor with course mates in background*

I met a fellow participant with whom I resonated with. She had been praying and writing in to the Life Direction team asking when they would run another course. They had run this course three times in the past and it has been about ten years since the last one. So this would be the fourth locally run course and I am glad to be on it for it had been my prayer too. There are overseas courses available but I preferred a local one for its local context, and the ongoing community with which I can receive further input, supervision and support.

I am also thankful that my grown-up children told me they would sponsor the remaining shortfall in fees. They are really kind and generous and I am blessed to have such children. In more ways than I can number, they have showered me with gifts and support and encouragement. I would have missed out on this course had it not been for the intervention of the Lord through an anonymous giver, and another pastor friend who helped substantially in the fees. I am glad and excited because this is part of a new chapter in my life.

Why Pursue Spiritual Direction Course

11 January 2022 blogpastor Leave a comment

I am thankful that by God’s grace, my parents who were not church goers sent me to Sunday School in Bukit Timah Evanglical Free Church when I was in primary school. For a few years of intermittent attendance, I was introduced to Jesus, the gospel stories, the church. Even after I stopped attending, I was more open to Christianity. Thank you Lord, for without my knowing it, you were already wooing me when I was a young boy.

This divine wooing resumed when I was in secondary four, for a friend passed me a yellow booklet called “The Four Spiritual Laws”. I read it a few times and prayed the sinner’s prayer a few times. However, I told no one and my faith was inert, a dead faith. Thank God this would not remain so for too long. The wind of the Spirit blew where it willed and he chose to come like a monsoon that rained upon the nation in the early 1970s.

Spiritual Intensity

I was caught up in this spiritual revival that was poured out upon the nation. One of the theatres of spiritual stirrings begun in Dunearn Secondary Technical School (where NJC now sits) and spread rapidly to other students from various schools through the inter-school youth meetings of those days. Many experienced a crying revival of repentance and transformation, with the baptism of the Spirit with speaking in tongues. My life with God was intense, purgative, deep, empowering, life-changing, unforgettable. It laid the foundation for what God had for me in later years. I found myself driven with great earnestness towards spiritual disciplines, even to extremes at times. There was a great hunger for God and the things of God. I grew in scripture knowledge, involvement in ministry, discipling, teaching, preaching, and leadership responsibilities. I experienced many intimate and intense moments with God in lengthy days of prayer and fasting. I experienced the thrill of being used by God in spiritual gifts as I ministered in the church, receiving affirmation and helping me see what vocation God had for me. Lord this was a beautiful, memorable time in my salvation history. It is so sacred, so holy and something I treasure so much. Thank you, Lord.

The intensity and depth of the Spirit’s work in my soul led me to answer God’s call to the pastoral ministry. It was done with much consultation with the elders and with much patience and submission. The regular scripture meditations stacked up to finally quit cadet teaching and enter full-time Christian vocational work in church, with the elders’ approval. My theological education commenced with Tung Ling Bible School and then Trinity Theological College. By then the revival had waned, and so had my fire of intimacy with God, buried as I was in dry theological readings and assignments.

Pastoral Ministry & Burnout

Pastoral ministry was challenging and for many reasons I felt overwhelmed at times. During my forty years of pastoral work, I can clearly identify two periods of burnout. In both bouts it was the Lord who came to my rescue. I ended up in both times in retreat houses and found my recovery through silent retreats and spiritual direction. The stillness and silence, the separation from the normal busyness and distractions helped me to draw close to God and hear from him more clearly. Cleansing and release came and hope was restored, and in both occasions I returned to pastoral ministry renewed, refueled, reconfigured with a new operating system.

This led me to wish that I had experienced the blessings of contemplative prayer and soul care earlier in the pastoral ministry for then I would have been more effective and be able to bring more credit to my Lord. I cannot rewrite the past but I can help others who have the whole future ahead of them in pastoral ministry or leadership. I do feel for younger pastors in ministry plodding and navigating the very challenging seascape of church today. Burnout and discouragement and disillusionment are real threats to cutting short God’s assignment for them.

In His Time

I saw no training for spiritual direction in Singapore and began praying for one to open up. I tried to sign up for overseas training but the timings in both cases were not right for me. When Life Direction Singapore decided to run a course, I attended the introductory. However, I found the fees for the twenty-one months course beyond me and decided not to attend. God intervened miraculously and an anonymous giver I do not know at all offered to cover half of the $10,000 fees. God knew the longing of my heart and my need to be equipped and removed the obstacle that blocked me from saying Yes to God’s invitation. For this Lord, I give you thanks with all my heart for even in my retirement you have assignments for me and the supply of grace, gifts and provision would be there. Amen and amen.